church abuse

Pastor Sues Former Church Member and Loses

July 31, 2012 by Sisterlisa Leave a Comment

I’m not too keen on the idea of cutting down other faith leaders, however shining the Light on some issues is needful for the Body as a whole. All throughout the bible we read of prophets and leaders shedding light on issues regarding other leaders both in the secular realm (Pharaoh and Simon the false pastor) and among the brethren (Paul rebuking Peter and correcting the church at Corinth). Rachel Held Evans raises awareness about abuse within Mark Driscoll’s ministry and Matthew Paul Turner shines light on bizarre teachings and practices of mega church pastors. Now let me draw your attention to a fellow blogger, Julie Anne. She began a blog to raise awareness of cult-like activity going on in a church she once belonged to. She discovered the pastor had listed his church on a review site so Julie Anne left her very raw and honest review (you’ll need to go back to the earlier reviews to find hers). Needless to say, it started a whirlwind fire storm between her and the church. The pastor took her to court to sue her for $500K in a defamation lawsuit.

photo credit Angie

It’s very important to understand that although a church develops it’s own way of handling disputes within their community, you are not without the Constitution. Julie Anne knew that she could speak freely about her experiences with protection from the United States Constitution. She simply blogged about her opinions of the pastor and the way he governs his church community. Julie Anne brings up some valuable information regarding Christians suing each other and how others were tossed into the lawsuit by the pastor. It’s needful for the Body to understand what their American rights are, what defamation, libel, and slander really are in addition to what you can say without getting sued.

I find it ironic that pastors don’t want former members speaking about their experiences in their churches, but those same pastors will publicly condemn secular leaders and other pastors from their pulpits. Do you see the hypocrisy? We have the freedom to share our stories. Somewhere along the line, victims have been bullied into silence and those bullies have increased in power due to their fear mongering and threats of eternal torture and God’s wrath upon their lives. No one will go to hell for being honest with their opinions.

Here’s where faith comes into play. We exercise our faith by walking out our freedom. Once you know you’re freedom and the wisdom needed to navigate in this freedom, you become empowered and the bullies lose. You see, the ‘freedom’ spoken of in churches usually only allows you freedom to disagree with the Catholic Church or any secular agency the pastor targets. However, the Constitution gives you freedom to disagree with anyone! Within the church system there are rules of engagement that require you to only speak positively about the leadership and any disagreement is viewed as rebellion and they issue their own form of discipline. If you’re willing to live with their discipline, then by all means speak up while you’re still there. Just be willing to own those consequences.

If you decide to leave there may still be consequences, since many churches practice various forms of excommunication. However, once you walk out those doors you no longer have to be as close to those who want to make your life miserable for speaking up or leaving. You have the freedom to walk away. Now what about writing out your experiences on a blog like Julie Anne did or on Facebook like so many others do? I’m not a lawyer so you’ll want to double check for yourself, but as long as you aren’t accusing them by name of criminal activity then your opinion is free to be shared. A pastor or other church member might try to sue you like Pastor Chuck did to Julie Anne, but they will lose so long as you are within your Constitutional rights. So be sure and talk to a lawyer before speaking up. In addition to this, the one suing you may have to pay all your court fees.

I’m not saying that you should start a blog to publicly call a pastor out on the carpet and I’m not saying you shouldn’t, but I do think we all need to be wise about it. Although Julie Anne plowed her way through this with much courage, her life was not without stress. Thankfully, she won and her court case paves a way for all of us to gain more courage to be free. Just be willing to live with all the pros and cons of your decision.

One last thing, but certainly not last in importance. God will not condemn you for speaking up about an abusive church government. The condition of sin was extinguished through the death and resurrection of Christ the Lord. God sees you as absolutely perfect, it’s just mankind who doesn’t. So while you are free to do whatever you want, choose wisely. Whatever your choice is, you will need to live with that choice.

Sisterlisa

Filed Under: Church Culture, Spiritual Abuse Tagged With: abusive clergy, bizarre pastors, Christian liberty, church abuse, church culture, church members, condemnation, excommunication, freedom, Jesus, Julie Anne, liberty, Mark Driscoll, Matthew Paul Turner, pastor, Pastor Chuck O'Neil, Rachel Held Evans, spiritual abuse, suing Christians

Finding Help When Leaving a Cult

April 16, 2011 by Sisterlisa 13 Comments

There certainly are many online forums where you can go and talk with others about your experiences. It helps to know you’re not alone and to hear about the experiences of other people provides some validation for what you’ve been through. I have participated in many online groups over the years and have found many that were very productive and supportive and then there have been some that ended up furthering the damage I had already suffered. Thankfully, I know certified counselors who have helped walk me through various tragedies I have been through, but not everyone has certified counselors as friends.

I do not recommend using ONLY online forums for help when you have suffered from trauma of any kind. I also do not recommend that you speak to clergy (pastors, bishops etc) unless they are certified as trauma counselors. Some Christians have asked about secular counselors and expressed their concern about that since many cults openly refute going outside the church for counseling much less a secular counselor. Since religion has the track record of having trauma issues with victims of various abuses, I hesitate having counseling within their systems while you are vulnerable.

A victim of trauma, whether it’s physical, sexual, or spiritual, can suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I recommend that victims find a counselor who is certified in PTSD, relationships, and spirituality to help you.

In addition to talking to a counselor, I recommend that you do not attempt to attack your oppressor/abuser in any way whatsoever. Do not attempt to contact them, do not follow them on the Internet, and only contact the government authorities when there is physical or sexual abuse, or if you are being harassed by repeated and excessive unsolicited phone calls, mail, or the visits to your home or work place.

When you decide to join a support group, select one that has certified counselors there to moderate so you can be protected as you begin to share your story. If you’re seeing a counselor on your own, I would ask for recommendations from them to make sure you are in a legitimate support group. Many times the online forums are mainly other victims who may not be equipped to handle moderating such a sensitive group of victims. Use caution before sharing private information with them.

If you decide to blog your journey out, talk to an attorney first so you know what you can and can’t say in public., Anything you post on your blog can be potentially used against you and incite hostility among the group’s loyal members and that could backfire on you and your family. Consider using a pseudonym and avoid naming the abuser and the church name or it’s address. You can specify which movement you came out of, but avoid using a broad brush to accuse them all of such abuses. You can disagree with their church politics system and doctrines, explain how you feel the teachings are mentally, emotionally, or spiritually abusive. Your story is more likely to be listened to if you are as tactful and respectful as possible in what you’re writing.

Discussions on Facebook or other social networks can be tricky and you want to make sure your account is as private as possible to avoid hate mail or false friend requests from people posing as mutual friends of people you might know. Hostile cult members might stalk you online to read what you’re saying and that will only provoke them to be more aggressive. NEVER share information about an ongoing, unsettled case.

I began blogging about my journey a while ago, but only recently mentioned the denomination due to the fact that it ended up on 20/20. But I am careful not to name which specific church I am from. The only people who will know are those from my area who happen to find my blog and connect the dots. I do not share information that can be viewed as slander or that would incriminate those in that group. I do share the teachings and how they conduct their church politics with my disagreement on those issues. The only situations that were specific, that I shared, were situations that happened publicly and what is already on the county’s public Superior Court website.

I recently joined a cult “support” group on Facebook only to discover that the leader was provoking these tender, wounded victims to call all their local law enforcement, District Attorney’s, and social services to make generalized reports against the entire church movement. This is so grossly beyond unwise that I am shaking my head. No victim who is under this kind of duress should EVER be told and provoked to get involved in trying to be a vigilante to take the law into their own hands. A real support leader who wants to pursue a legal matter would hire a lawyer and an investigative team to handle these kinds of issues. If anyone ever puts you in a position to attempt to handle legal matters on your own, USE CAUTION and consider leaving the group so you won’t be taken advantage of.

Many times victims are passionate about informing others about false doctrines and potentially put them in dangerous positions. Sometimes that passion can manifest in ways and with words that could actually hinder their cause, rather than help them. Their best course of action is to hire lawyers and let them handle it professionally.

Raising awareness to an issue that you feel is needed in our society should be done professionally and as peacefully as possible. Consult a lawyer, or another Awareness Campaign Manager that has a good reputation in their own causes, for guidelines to help make your campaign a powerful one that is respected by the listening and watching audience.

If you have any questions let me know.

*Disclaimer: I am NOT a lawyer. I am, however, a certified PTSD counselor, Addictions and Recovery Counselor, Assistant to an Interventionist, and have 17 years experience in spiritual matters and abusive relationships through ministry.

If you have questions about legal matters I recommend you call a lawyer. Many lawyers will meet with you for free for a consultation.

Filed Under: Healing, Spiritual Abuse Tagged With: awareness campaign, church abuse, counseling, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, spiritual abuse, support groups, victims

The Holy Cover Ups

April 8, 2011 by Sisterlisa 5 Comments

I have always tried to make it a point to never bring up a specific denomination in my writings, and I tend to lean away from giving any additional ‘advertising’ to wacko cults who picket the world with hate signs, but sometimes justice is demanded and victims need to rise up together and speak up for the greater good.

We know that the Catholic Church has many heinous crimes of pedophiles of it’s own to deal with and I’m not going to get into targeting them, they have enough media covering that as it is. What I do want to go on record as saying is that stories like Tina Anderson’s needs to be listened to. As a Christian community, we can’t hide these stories or dismiss them as lies. As a certified counselor for victims of spiritual abuse and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I can assure you that stories like hers are not rare, they’re just rare in getting the media’s attention.

Tonight on 20/20, Elizabeth Vargas presents her Yearlong Investigation Into The Independent Fundamental Baptist Church. You can view a snippit of tonight’s story where Tina Anderson speaks through tears about her abuse and the cover ups that followed.

It is of an absolutely broken and grieving heart that I say adamantly, that I am relieved this has been brought to light. I do not rejoice in evil..as a matter of fact I think the evil that was committed against Tina and many others like her needs to be brought to justice. I do not believe the victims are doing evil by speaking out. One should never victimize the victim further by attempting to say they are guilty of bitterness or an unforgiving heart.

I am firm in my belief about grace, but God is also just. I don’t believe he is an extremist by any means, but injustices done to the oppressed is always going to reap what it sows. I applaud Tina Anderson for speaking up. It takes GREAT COURAGE to do so!

I was deeply involved with th IFB movement for 15 years and I saw so many missing pieces over the years and many times people were hushed into silence with the accusation that anyone who speaks out is a gossip and should be rebuked. The tactics for “church discipline” are widely misused in the IFB movement. I WISH, I could say that stories like Tina’s are rare and isolated, but they aren’t.

My husband was asked to consider becoming a deacon just days before we left our former church. He declined the position and I am so thankful he did. We saw a series of events and lies snowballing and we just couldn’t continue to support their church.

Leaving was incredibly difficult because we knew that leaving would mean questions. The more people who questioned us the more we would have to explain and the more we knew that no one would believe us. We were right, no one believed us. We were called liars, trouble makers, and lies were spread around about us to discredit us so that others would shun us and be afraid to ask us any more questions.

But those who had left before us, did believe us.

I sought out many of the former members, who at one time were dear friends of mine. When I told them we had left, they finally told us their stories too. My husband sought out help from other local pastors and they also confirmed that they knew that the IFB is a cult. Although we lost the friends who decided to remain, we regained the friends who had left previously.

I began searching the Internet to see if anyone else had ever written about this movement and there were only a few small things mentioned. Over the last two years the collection of stories have increased by leaps and bounds.

The hardest part for me, in speaking out, is that I have a few friends in the blogosphere who attend IFB churches.

I am deeply sorry that these stories are difficult to read. I know the first reaction is denial and anger toward those who are speaking up about the IFB abuse. If it was an isolated case then you wouldn’t be seeing stories from all over the country that span back for decades. The next reaction might be to disconnect from me totally. Should anyone decide to do so I won’t hold it against you. But know this, now that you have heard of these incidents happening you owe it to yourself, your spouse, and your children to investigate further. Keep your eyes opened. Don’t allow your family to become victims.

For those who believe it’s time for you to leave the IFB movement, you have support. There are others who have also left and can offer friendship and encouragement to get out. If you have family members who have always been suspicious of the IFB churches, go to them for help first. They can be your advocate and help you leave. You might think I sound a bit alarming about needing help to leave, and that’s precisely the point. It’s always hard to leave. When we left, we were told by the pastor not to tell people why we left, not to contact any of our friends about it, cease all emails to them, no phone calls, etc. Our family was the first to be contacted so we could have support in leaving.

Many IFB pastors have said that these are isolated incidents, but it keeps happening in their movement. The same scenarios play out. The same way of covering up. The holey cover ups. They are full of holes. They misuse scripture to make you feel like you’re the one doing wrong, they try to justify their accusations against you as ‘discipline’ for your ‘rebellion’. Some IFB leaders have even used information you shared with them in counseling sessions as weaponry against you to keep you quiet.

So, for Tina Anderson and others like her, I stand with you.

I don’t want my blog to become an Anti-IFB resource, but over the next few days I will be sharing just a few more things about this then resume my regular style of writing.

Be safe. Help raise awareness. Offer support to those needing help to leave.

** An additional note: If you are an IFB Pastor you should be proclaiming loudly to your church about such matters and putting yourself and your staff in the hot seat of accountability so your church members know you aren’t hiding these kinds of stories. I don’t want to hear any rebukes from ANY of you for writing this article. If you will stand by these victims by boldly sending a message to all IFB Churches that you will NOT tolerate any kind of abuse or cover ups like this and you take a stand about these matters then I would applaud you. For anyone who tries to silence or belittle the victims, shame on you!

I realize that some from my former church may see this article one day and all I can say is that if you attempt to harm me for speaking up, you are best to leave me alone, but if you want help leaving the IFB Cult, I would be glad to assist you.

Recommended Resources:

Spiritual Abuse Awareness

Spiritual Abuse

IFB Watchdog

Ind. Fundamental Baptist Deception

Paradise Recovered

WellSpring Retreat Center

Cult Info