Terrorist Threats in Churches

November 12, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Intimidation is something that happens frequently in churches, but very few church members even realize it’s happening to them. Another term used to describe intimidation is bullying. Being in an intimidating situation can affect your emotions negatively and even cause you to make snap decisions without thinking about it.

grave by lady_jess, on Pix-O-Sphere
photo credit Lady Jess

Each state has its own laws about intimidation and it’s important to understand what it is, how to identify it when it happens to you, and how to get away from it. I found intimidation listed under the Civil Rights section of the California Department of Justice website.

The tricky thing is getting the government to protect you from religious intimidation. So instead of expecting them to protect us, we need to protect ourselves. Protection from intimidation in a religious setting involves getting educated about it.

Let me be sure to add this disclaimer, I am not a lawyer, nor am I in the position to legally advise anyone on specific situations. If you feel that you or your family’s safety, financial stability, or property is at risk for being physically harmed, you need to call a lawyer and/or the police.

I understand that this article will be venturing into the realm of biblical interpretation and that I may end up being “rebuked” by well meaning Christians for what I’m going to reveal, but as a counselor for the spiritually abused I can’t, in good conscience, avoid giving information so people can make an educated decision about their safety just because it crosses over into a person’s religious beliefs.

The most subtle and least often prosecuted form of intimidation is spiritual abuse. When someone, especially a religious leader, tells you that you, your family, your finances, or property are at risk of destruction due to your lack of involvement in their religion or lack of money you give to the religion, they are using an intimidation tactic against you.

Allow me to share some insight with you from a logical and practical perspective. All sorts of destruction happens to people inside of religion and outside of religion. Pastors kids get involved in drugs, homes are ruined by storms, and finances plummet for all sorts of reasons just like anyone else in your community who doesn’t belong to a religious organization. Any promise made to you that none of these things will happen if you follow their teachings would be a lie (If you don’t believe me, read the book of Job). There is no way a pastor can insure you that a hurricane will not hit your house based on your church involvement or financial support of their institution. Just because a storm does hit a home of a person who does not belong to their religion, doesn’t mean it’s because they weren’t “believers”, church members, or faithfully tithing to the organization.

If we allow ourselves to become victims to this kind of intimidation, then we alone are at fault for being gullible. In other words, we walk right into it. The government can’t protect you from being gullible.

Once you are educated on intimidation tactics (bullying), then once you see it happening to you, simply disregard what is being said and walk away. As an American citizen, you do not have to allow yourself to remain in an intimidating situation, nor are you required by God to be a doormat for a religious bully.

When a clergy, or other religious person, tells you that you might suffer eternal torment if you don’t do “x,y,z”, they are terrorizing you in an effort to convert you to their religion. This is the religious version of a terrorist threat, a threat to your soul. This kind of threat can negatively affect your mental health and in the long run can negatively affect decisions you make in this life time.

When they try to convince you that your life is an “insult to God”, “less than because you don’t have their deity”, or that you are “unworthy to even be alive”, they are manipulating you into believing something about yourself that is not true.

When they put pressure on you to recite a prayer, participate in any religious ceremony (such as baptism), or to attend their church services then they are using coercion to get you to comply to what they want.

I know how this works, not just because of my counseling studies, but because I used to be deeply involved in a church that did these things and sat through countless “meetings” where they teach how to do this. Some churches main goal is to convince you that you are unworthy and deserving of eternal torment.

As a Christian, these tactics frustrate me, because I don’t believe God operates in this manner. God doesn’t need people to be bullied into choosing him. God gives you the freedom to make up your own mind about him and about where you choose to worship.

If we go back several centuries to study how people were converted into the “Christian” religion, we find terrorist tactics such as threats of violence, imprisonment, and torture if they didn’t convert. Over time, this kind of physical violence to bring about a conversion of religion became outlawed, but they continue to emotionally and mentally terrorize people into converting.

A classic statement by a bully involves “if you don’t do this,…..then that will happen to you” The word ‘this’ represents something you must do and the word ‘that’ represents a negative result if you don’t.

I know that a lot of Christianity claims that God issues statements like this, but I think their interpretation of the Bible is skewed by the type of leader they have. I also understand that this means there are a lot of leaders out there giving terrorizing threats from the pulpit to put people into emotional/mental bondage to live in fear and into robotic unconditional obedience to the group, its leader, and their version of god.

Many times, the people are so conditioned to believe in these threats that they are frightened of questioning the “teachings” or leaving the groups they are involved with.

When you find yourself in a terrorizing situation where you are living in fear of “disobeying” the “teachings” …”or else”, then you can leave. This is the same thing a government agency will tell you.

It’s your freedom to not believe their threats and to leave.

They may also attempt to emotionally blackmail you with threats of shunning, excommunication, or breaking off the relationships if you leave.

Here’s where it gets tricky. Upon leaving such a group, if you get any threats of ruining your job, disrupting relationships you have, repeated unwanted phone calls/emails/texts, then call a lawyer. A lawyer can walk you through some steps to getting free from the group. If you can’t get a lawyer, you can begin with a “cease contact” letter that is notarized and sent by registered mail. Keep all copies of communication that you send that shows you have done your part to halt their communication with you.

If you are leaving a rather large group, it makes it more difficult to get them to stop if the leader hasn’t informed the church to let you go. You don’t owe them an explanation of why you left, nor do you have to tell them if you’re going to another church. If they are persistent, although they are probably intending to be “good friends” to you, with their threats of eternal torment or God withholding his protection from you, just firmly state that you don’t believe that and are not willing to discuss it any further. If they don’t stop, let them know that you need a break from communication for the time being, so your family can readjust to a new church.

Keep in mind that many religious folk have no idea what the intimidation laws are, because their pastor doesn’t want them informed. If his tactics are revealed he will lose church members. He has the freedom to impose spiritual “teachings” from the pulpit and you are sitting in the pew willingly. So the government can’t touch him. However, most church members don’t realize that carrying his bad tactics out into the community on a person’s doorstep, place of employment, or through phone and email can result in a misdemeanor.

It’s important to equip yourself with education to empower you to overcome intimidation. Leaving a religious group that terrorizes, manipulates, and emotionally blackmails you can be very difficult on your mental and emotional health. Be sure to find a support group or counselor to help you.

Just because one “Christian” group treats people this way does not mean God treats you this way, nor does it mean all Christian groups operate in such an abusive manner.

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, and of power, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

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A Great Man of God?

October 29, 2011 By 2 Comments

I have read about this in the Bible and I wondered what you all have been taught about what a false preacher is?

Let’s start in Matthew 24:5 “For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.” {KJV}

They will come in His name saying He is Christ.

I used to read that and say “false preachers will claim to be Christ”

But how would that deceive us? We would KNOW they aren’t Christ.

Then I read it again and thought WOW. They will come and say He IS Christ. That’s how they will deceive.

Acts 8:9-10, A man named Simon had been a sorcerer there for many years, amazing the people of Samaria and claiming to be someone great. Everyone, from the least to the greatest, often spoke of him as “the Great One—the Power of God.” {NLT}

Do you know what sorcery a preacher uses to ‘amaze’ the people with that would make them think they were following a ‘great man of God’? This word sorcery in today’s language would be better translated as ‘whisperer’. Their words are used to deceive you and while the word means whisperer, they might be shouting as well. It doesn’t mean that whispering is bad. It goes much deeper than that.

I don’t think God’s people would follow someone who was dressing in bizarre clothes, painting their face, and wearing bones in their hair. So how does a false preacher like Simon get the people to think he was so great, to where they thought they were following a ‘man of God’? And how do preachers today do the same thing?

Manipulation: to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage : to change by artful or unfair means so as to serve one’s purpose.

The word artful really catches my attention. Artful:: adroit in attaining an end usually by insinuating or indirect means.

Sounds crafty to me. Crafty: adept in the use of subtlety and cunning b: marked by subtlety and guile.

I think we’ve seen those two words before. Subtlety and guile.

Guile: Middle English gile, from Anglo-French, probably of Germanic origin; akin to Old English wigle divination —  Date:13th century
1: deceitful cunning

A more proper word for this in our modern language would be glamouring. Glamouring is an act used to hypnotize people into submitting to them so the person can have control over them. And this is done by many Clergy today. I do believe that some are raised this way and may not even realize what they are doing, but I do believe there are many who know exactly what they are doing. Either way, it is our responsibility to be educated so we don’t fall victims to it. Some examples of glamouring that you may recognize easier is in some vampire films where the vampire convinces the woman that he is the ‘good guy’, but subtly brings her to a place of trusting him blindly and thereby becoming a victim.

Genesis 3:1, “Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?”

Oh that’s where I saw it before. The serpent was subtil to Eve.

Genesis 3:13, “And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.”

Oh he used his subtilty to beguile Eve. There’s that word guile!

He used God’s very own word to MANIPULATE her into thinking she was making the ‘right’ decision. The word serpent means to ‘whisper’ or ‘hiss’. Remember above that I showed you the word ‘scorcerer’ was better translated today as ‘whisperer’.

So now we know where manipulation comes from and who empowers others to do the same. This kind of manipulation is an art form with negative results for the victims, but powerful results for the one speaking their cunning words. Some so called seminaries teach the ‘pastors in training’ how to speak and preach to the people to get them to obey “God”. But what they’re really doing is teaching them how to submit to their idea of God, therefore submitting to them directly..not to God. They craft their words to hypnotize you into believing they are of God.

God doesn’t need to manipulate us, he gives us freedom to make up our own minds about him. Any clergy who seeks to manipulate you into believing in God has missed the whole point of who God is. Real love (Agape) has no need to deceive us into a relationship. If you feel that a teaching is trying to shame you, guilt you, threaten you into, or bribe you into making a choice, then you are witnessing what is called, glamouring. Use caution.

When you find a teacher that gives it to you straight, with grace and lavished in Agape, then you have found someone worthy to study with. The Royal Priesthood of Believers have no need for such glamouring, they offer freedom to explore God through grace, not control.

Filed Under: Inquisition, Spiritual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Does God Really Hate Us?

October 10, 2011 By 5 Comments

After being under a patriarchy ministry for 15 years, I had come to the place where I felt so utterly unworthy to even be alive. The legalism that constantly pointed out sin in us and the world around us got to be too much to live under…I was dying inside. For me to be able to live through a sermon, I had to ignore it and doodle or make shopping lists, sometimes I was busy scribbling down verse of uplifting passages to myself. If we sat a child down and told them how awful they were and pointed out everything they were doing wrong, that child’s thirst to live would be parched. In some states, it would be considered mental and emotional abuse on a child. So why do adults put themselves under such horrific discouraging teachings?

Some people have such a twisted sense of God’s justice, it makes me ill. I can’t fathom ever sitting through another ‘semon’ where I’m yelled at, demeaned, belittled, and told God hates me. He’s the one who allowed sin to enter the world as it is, let alone now hate us for something He allowed in the first place?

Imagine for a moment that I set out an open dish of Hershey’s Kisses on the table in front of a 2 year old child. Now I’ll tell the child that she can eat anything in the kitchen she wants, just not these chocolates. I step out of their view and watch her eat 3 kisses and hide the wrappers. I watched the child do this. I did not stop the child. It’s a total set up, a test. Now I enter the room again and yell at the child that she’s a stupid little sheep and full of awful sin for her choices. Now lets say my husband enters the room and says he’ll pay the penalty for our daughter’s choice. Now, I accept the father’s payment as “paid in full” so the girl is not held responsible for her choice. Now, for the next 18 years, I’ll continue to belittle the child, tell her how awful she is, tell her I HATE her choice back then when she was 2.

Sounds like an unforgiving parent to me. Afterall, the father paid her debt.

Didn’t he?

This is the kind of Christianity that seems to be sweeping the nation…and leaving a trail of wounded people bleeding on the road side and gasping for breath.

We don’t have to listen to this kind of unforgiving hatred being perpetrated by these so called pastors.

The apostle Paul said “let each man be convinced in his OWN MIND.”

Do we really think God is holding our sin against us when Jesus already paid for it?

We either believe Jesus paid it all or we don’t.

Are we using his name in vain, claiming him to be Savior, but denying the power thereof?

Remember what God said to Adam and Eve? “Who told you that you were naked?”

It’s the adversary that stands at the gates accusing the brethren.

It’s one thing to confront someone who has stolen from you, it’s quite another thing to attempt to accuse people of ‘sin’ when they already have their sin covered.

There’s a HUGE difference between approaching a friend, in love, to help them in an area that is harming themselves or their loved ones…and telling Christians that God hates their sin. If a person claims Christ as Savior, then they believe Jesus is covering their sin…..which means the person standing in accusation of them is an unbeliever. I don’t care if the person claims to be a Christian or has a title of “pastor”. I don’t care if he’s written a bazillion books of commentary on the bible. It’s a very bold and ignorant person who tells a blood-washed child of God that Jesus isn’t actually covering their sin.

We can be corrective with people we love when it’s necessary and when we have discernment that the timing is right. But to use a blanket statement of “God hates you” or “God hates your sin” is loaded language. This kind of verbal assault is not meant to lift you up into his heavenly throne to be embraced with his grace. It’s the kind of language that slaughters a person in the very sight of Jesus Christ. Do we forget so quickly that it’s the kindness of God that leads people to change their minds about him?

So the next time you see a video, read a book or blog, or sit through a church service that belittles you and makes you feel awful for something you can’t do anything about…walk away and don’t believe what they’re saying.

Sunrise On The Blue Ridge Mountains by goose, on Pix-O-Sphere

{photo credit Laura Geese}

Because Jesus already has you covered. I pray we’ll all believe this and be free from this condemnation coming from the ‘men of the cloth’.

Filed Under: Spiritual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Choosing a Youth Group

October 9, 2011 By Leave a Comment
*Disclaimer: Not all churches have had problems with youth pastors violating teens. All parents must use their own best judgment before entrusting your children to other adults.

Many times I have felt confident to allow my teens to be a part of youth groups. I assumed that a church would have good boundaries for their activities and that it would be safer than just dropping them off downtown on a Friday night. But lets be practical here. The church staff and volunteers at a youth group can be just as dangerous, if not more so, than any joe-shmoe downtown.

Have you googled “youth pastor arrested” lately? Do you know how many more youth pastors are guilty of violating a teen but just hasn’t hit the news yet? Many counties have an online public record where you can search for all cases involving a “Jane Doe” or “church” to see if there are any pending or even closed prior cases.

Many churches are now requiring their workers to be finger print approved by the FBI before they are given ANY amount of ‘authority’ or position in their churches. HOWEVER, this is not always the safest way to determine if your teens will be safe. Sometimes teens are violated, but the families are silenced and the perpetrator goes undetected.

Christians are not immune to making very, very, very, bad decisions. Churches who have FBI finger print approved workers can sometimes cover up a lot of garbage that the FBI will never know about.

What is the BEST way to protect your kids? Talk to them.

Talk to your teens about how to discern danger. Teach them how to be in a constant state of awareness of their surroundings. Let them know that they can talk to you without you going bonkers on them. Encourage them to follow their gut instinct.

No teen should ever be made to feel uncomfortable. Sure, it could be an over active imagination, but better safe than sorry.

Our teens need to know that we have their back! They should be 100% confident that we, as parents, are their advocates!

God forbid that a parent choose to protect the image of a youth pastor or church over the safety of their own child or the children of others.

A parent should take it upon themselves to ask the youth pastor and the youth pastor’s spouse lots of questions before trusting them with your kids. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. If they are defensive at your inquiries then it’s probably not a good place for your teenagers.

Some questions to consider asking:

  • Are all your workers fingerprint approved by the FBI?
  • Has your church ever been under an investigation for child endangerment of any kind?
  • How do you handle a case when a teen confides in you that they have been violated or they suspect they are being stalked by another church member?
  • How do you handle bullying?
  • Are you aware of what spiritual abuse is and how does your church protect itself from this type of mental and emotional abuse?
  • Can I please have the names of all adults, including college age volunteers, who supervise the teen activities?
  • What is your church’s protocol if you discover the head pastor or head deacon is suspected of child abuse or sexual assault?

Any church worth going to , even occasionally, shouldn’t mind these kinds of questions.

When you get home, google all the names of the individuals. Also, look up all their names in your county online record system.

Consider attending some of the youth activities the first few times WITH your teens. Observe how the activities are led and how the teens are spoken to.

Arrive early every now and then and slip in the back, if you can, without being noticed.

Observe, observe, observe.

Don’t ever feel bad about being consistent in selecting a youth group for your teens. It is your responsibility as a parent to make the best and most informed decision possible. If you decide that their doctrine isn’t quite what you believe, be sure to talk to your teens about it at home. In my family, we are not as concerned about silly disagreements about some doctrines as we are about making sure they are safe. I will share more about how we handle disagreements about doctrines in another post, until then..you’re the parent, the youth pastor isn’t. Be wise.

Filed Under: Inquisition, Spiritual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Protect Children From Sunday School Indoctrination

October 8, 2011 By 1 Comment
*Disclaimer: Not all churches operate the way I have seen and experienced. You need to use your own judgment as a parent when allowing your kids to attend Sunday School.

We were faithful Sunday School supporters for almost 15 years…until we tried to exercise our parental rights within the church. Keep in mind the Bible says absolutely nothing about “Sunday School”. There is not one teaching, doctrine, or otherwise, in the bible, that gives any mandate to put your kids into a class where the teacher tells your kids what they think your kids need to believe. Most churches separate the children into age classification or grade classification classes. Many times it’s also by gender, girls in one class, boys in another.

As a parent, I recall being thankful there was a place where my kids could go so I could sit through a class without interruption. The clergy always scheduled the lessons for the kids classes to go along with what the adults were learning. But when something came up in a class that my daughter attended, we needed to make some changes. I was interpreting for the deaf in the college class and my teen daughter was 17 years old. We were homeschooling by that time and she had ‘graduated’ early by studying through her previous summer break. My husband and I both felt that having her with me in the college class would be better for her growth and maturity.The dynamics involved in this situation were tricky.

My daughter’s teacher was the pastor’s wife, the college class was taught by her son (also son of the pastor) and my husband attended the adult class where the pastor taught. I had my daughter with me for a couple of months when we were approached and ‘admonished’ to have her go back to the teen class. We graciously declined their ‘admonishment’. My husband informed them that our daughter had already graduated high school and we, as her parents, felt her time was better spent in the college age class. She was growing in the college class. We saw no need to put her back into the teen class.

Then my husband was ‘told’ by the pastor that she would have to go back to the teen class or attend his class with my husband. Under no circumstances whatsoever was she ‘allowed’ to attend the college class with me, (her mother) any longer.

I’m not sure what the purpose of all that was, but in my own opinion, we saw a few dynamics unfolding that increased our concern with this particular church. We felt as though there was definitely a power struggle… the pastor’s power over ours as parents. By his actions, it seemed to appear that he was under the impression that we were supposed to yield our parental rights and decisions to him when we were on the church campus. But when a parent exercises their parental decisions, like taking their child out of a Sunday School Class and putting her in another…without their approval, then people begin to ask questions such as,

  • Is there something wrong with the teacher?
  • Did the other students do something to hurt the girl?
  • Why can’t my teenager go to the college class too?

We didn’t owe anyone an explanation, but we remained firm in our decision to put her in the college class for her own growth. We didn’t want to say anything negative about the teacher or other students. However, this situation opened a flood gate of questions that we had about how the government of the church was being handled and why our parental decisions didn’t matter up against their own.

There were other things we began noticing about the Sunday School program in the other grades as well. We had 3 other children in 3 different classes and when all 4 of our children had their ‘youth activities’ they were all going off in different directions. With our busy lives, we felt that our family was being pulled in too many different directions and our thoughts about Sunday School began to change.

Now, after being out of organized Christianity, I have looked back on those experiences, along with others we’ve had in other churches and still have hesitation about the Sunday School programs.

We do not feel it’s a good idea to indoctrinate children with stories that give them nightmares. I don’t care what the church’s doctrines are, I do not feel it is appropriate to play on the emotions and impressionable minds of children with horror stories.

Horror stories in Sunday School?

Yes, stories that cause my children to be afraid to go to bed at night. Because after all, the Sunday School teacher said, “What if you were to die tonight? You would go to hell.” And on and on the teacher would go about what it’s like in hell (as if she’s been there?). Bed time for my children became treacherous ordeals of facing fears. Stories about Lot and his wife and how the city men came to rape the angels. Are you serious? Our kids need to know this stuff? Lets not forget the flood, Noah’s sons seeing him naked, and the ever popular rapture and “what if you’re left behind?”, type of science fiction. But to my children those stories are presented as ‘facts’.

If you’re going to have Sunday School, stay away from the controversial topics that cause night terrors. Frightening small children into choosing your ‘jesus’ sounds a whole lot more like ‘believe in our nightmares or else’. Let’s not taint our children’s minds with false images of Jesus before they’re old enough to sort through those things with a mature mind and heart.

So the power struggle of who really has the authority over our kids really is a no-brainer. It’s just that more parents need to recognize their rights and begin to exercise them. Pastors are not God and they certainly aren’t government authorities telling you how to practice your religion. Don’t let them fool you with “I’m God’s authority for this church. Obey your authority or suffer as Miriam did when she questioned Moses.” It’s time parents wake up and protect their children.

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It’s Not Just the IFB

April 23, 2011 By 2 Comments

For nearly two years I was hesitant on speaking up so precisely about the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement. I have been to many different IFB churches, have had friends in various IFB groups, and have seen enough to know that not all their pastors run their churches the same way. After 20/20 aired the stories of 3 victims from IFB churches, the message board forums for ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses were in shock how how similar these 3 girls’ experiences were to their own. Even more alarming are the many other forums of ex-church goers from various denominations were saying the same things. It’s not just the IFB.

In fact, I’m not going to point my finger at denominations, because it has a lot more to do with WHO the pastor is than what the denomination is. However, some denominations seem to fester spiritual gangrene more than others. Any church can become cult-like. Any denomination can become a cult. Any religion can become a cult. All it takes is an outgoing leader who love bombs the people, praises them publicly, offers a rewards system within their group, and puts a measure of control on the people.

There’s an ongoing problem in Christianity today and we can’t keep our heads in the sand.

In the Old Testament we see the people insist on having a king “Give us a king!”, when God was wanting to be their King. Today’s Christianity shouts “Give us a pastor!” Once they appoint a pastor for themselves they shout to others, “You need a pastor! Get under a Pastor!”

The function of a pastor has been grossly misunderstood and has been created into a position to lord over the people for centuries.

Jesus clearly said in Matthew 20: 25But Jesus called them to him and said,“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. 26It shall not be so among you.”

The system that has been passed down through the ages and has infiltrated the minds of the people through fear is that they ‘need’ a man-pastor and a brick building in which to sit in and a day in which to go..or they will be cast off, cursed, and left drowning without God. This system is false.

God never intended that the gathering of believers and their gathering place would be the rescue boat. Jesus Christ is our rescuer.

Peter saw Jesus walking on water. Jesus wasn’t in the boat. If Peter wanted to walk with Jesus, he would need to jump ship and walk by faith in the Son of God.

I’m not opposed to people gathering together or their freedom to choose where they gather, but the mentality that enslaves people and keeps them bound in fear is an unhealthy state of mind that renders a person crippled to walk on water with Jesus.

Jesus Christ is our Authority, not the pastor. Among the brethren, we are equals in Christ.

Jesus not only challenged the system of his day, he openly rebuked it and brought in a new covenant. He would be our King and all humans were made equal.

Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

The traditional role of the male and female system of his day was transformed. No longer could people lord over the people. It left the people vulnerable to abuse and oppression at the hands of the pastors.

It left the women vulnerable to abuse by the men.

When Paul wrote to the church in Corinth about women being silent in the churches, it wasn’t because women weren’t allowed to speak. It was because the women were wildly out of control and they were usurping (taking by force) authority over the men.

Jesus said we are equal. So women who want to walk in the love of Christ will not take authority over anyone by force. Paul’s letter would have said the same thing about men being silent if they were exercising authority over the people as well.

If Paul were to write a letter to some of today’s churches it might look something like this, “You men, sit down and be quiet for once! Do not lord over the women and oppress them like that. We are equal in Christ. Esteem each other better than yourselves, for this is the way of Christ. Do not forget that the prophet Joel said that your sons AND daughters will prophesy. If you forbid women to speak at all, you may miss out on something important the Lord wants to tell you.”

It’s just like the Lord to send ‘the least of these’ to be a spokesperson to the proud.

Prophets were often sent to inform people in authority that they were headed for destruction.

Even Joseph was given prophesies to speak to his older brothers.

Women are equal in the kingdom of God. There is no gender to oppress over the other.

There is this place of mutual love and respect where we yield ourselves to one another.

But we aren’t to exercise authority over one another.

This place of equality is where we listen to one another, yield to one another, submit to one another. It goes both ways.

It’s not a one way street.

To walk in this kingdom is like a ballet, we dance in harmony because it’s love that binds us together.

Filed Under: Inquisition, Spiritual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Those That Remain

April 18, 2011 By 10 Comments

Leaving a church that you have been deeply involved with for many years is incredibly difficult to do. Anyone who sees others leaving and thinks for a minute that leaving was “the easy way out” hasn’t a clue. It’s never easy to stand up for yourself and your family, especially when so many disagree with your choice. Leaving our former church was a very difficult process that was full of pain and sorrow. Yet we knew it was God who was leading us out.

I know some people don’t understand why God would lead a family away from a church, and at the time it was happening we didn’t know either. Over a decade before we left the church, my husband and I went through a separation. Those years were the most painful years of my life. Our testimony is public, we don’t hide what we went through. When we speak publicly it is the main part of our story. Without the reason for the separation, there wouldn’t be a testimony.

My husband was addicted to drugs and the lifestyle that went with it. His addiction caused him to have not only physical illness, but emotional as well. Using drugs warped his sense of reality and his behavior manifested all the inward illnesses of that addiction. When that behavior manifested, it caused harm to me and our daughters. Over a series of events and extended periods of his illness victimizing the girls and I, a decision needed to be made.

I could no longer hide the incredible plague that my family had been infected with. Those who didn’t know what we had been going through couldn’t understand why I was packing up my girls and leaving. They didn’t understand why we moved without telling my husband where we were going. I just knew I had to go. It was time we were able to find a safe place to heal.

People in our lives tried to offer advice, but they really had no idea of what all the details were and out of respect for the future I still hoped for, I refrained from telling everything. So many people wanted to know more, were frantic at my decisions, insisted they had the ‘right’ answers for us. Some rebuked us for leaving, others pushed for me to file for divorce. But none of these people knew my heart. None of them knew how deep of a history my husband and I had. No one could fathom the  hope I had that he could get help and turn himself around.

I had to leave by faith.

Leaving the church was very similar. Out of respect for the I hope I have for my former friends and their entire church, I remained silent about a lot of what happened. Out of respect for the innocent who have no idea what our departure entailed, I remain prayerful and quiet. They don’t need to know all that I know. If my knowledge could help someone in particular, I would tell only those who need to know. Some things are public knowledge and they can go to the public records and search on their own.

Many have left the same place I left. I have spoken to many of them. None of them have ever said leaving was easy. In fact, of those I spoke to, leaving was very difficult. Why would it be difficult to leave a place where a person is so deeply wounded?

Because we love those who wounded us.

For a while after leaving there was anger. Deep pain that could not be explained.

Healing takes time.

Each person needs time and the amount of time various in each person.

I know that our departure from that church hurt some who remained. I hate that it hurt them. I do not  like  the fact that our departure hurt others. But we couldn’t continue to be wounded over and over again.

I have received messages and comments about my recent articles about the IFB with their concerns about my story, that somehow I’m tarnishing the IFB movement as a whole. I am very sorry they view my story that way.

Allow me to clarify a few things.

I do not believe ALL IFB churches physically or sexually abuse people.

I do not believe ALL IFB churches cover up their crimes.

If there is a leader in an IFB church who is mentally or spiritually abusive I do not believe everyone in that church is.

What I will say is this:

I believe the IFB doctrine is abusive. I believe it to be unbiblical in a lot of ways. I believe it is spiritually abusive and when you put an abusive person in a leadership position behind that doctrine, it heightens the abuse.

Why did I stay in the IFB for nearly 15 years?

I was young, alone, a marriage on the rocks, and no where to go. I learned etiquette, boundaries, and how to work hard.

The women who embraced me, loved me, supported me, they became my sisters. Eventually my husband went into treatment and his life turned around. We had a triumphant reconciliation in our marriage. All glory to God. We both were faithfully involved in the church, our kids were in their school, and we both took their two year bible school. Our lives were heavily involved in and wrapped around the church.

So what happened?

Over the years we saw a progression of questionable things happening. Not only were we seeing continual and habitual problems with some of the leadership, but the schedule of the church programs were so busy that our lives outside the church almost ceased to exist. There was no time to be a family. Everything about the church had become our lives. Over the course of our last ten years there, we watched as hundreds of families quit attending that church, staff members abruptly leaving without notice, others leaving and moving out of state, and all with the same ‘hush hush’ treatment. We were told not to ask about those families and not to discuss their departure with anyone.

Then a teen girl was violated by a youth pastor.

At the time we were told he was fired and that the police were handling it.

The pastor held one meeting with the adults and all teens 7th grade and higher. Children were escorted to another building with an elderly couple.

We were told that this man had violated a girl. Her name was not mentioned, but we were told not to discuss it with anyone.

During the course of this meeting, with each statement the pastor made, another teen girl sat nearby and kept gasping and turning to her mom saying, “but mom!” with astonishment. Her mother kept hushing her. Again he would make another statement to which this girl again, gasped, “but MOM!!”, her mother hushed her again. Another statement was made and the girl again, and increasingly upset, gasped and insisted, “BUT MOM!!!” Her mother silenced her one last time and told her to remain quiet.

After that incident the trust among the people and the leader began to diminish. We were all on edge. Suspicion was high. The people, regardless of what the pastor said, continued to talk about it and stories flew through the church like wildfire.

The church had become spiritually ill.

We saw many families suffer from adultery, pornography, alcoholism, drug addiction, prescription drug abuse, homosexuality among the youth, promiscuity among girls, teen girls cutting, anorexia, bulimia, teen pregnancy, and a lot of bullying among the girls.

While we realize these things are not uncommon in the world today and even among churches, we could no longer remain in this environment.

It was no longer a “hospital of healing” for us. It had become a battle ground of infectious disease that was only getting worse.

We love the people and we pray for their healing, but we could no longer grow there. Our lives were shriveling and we were suffering from this illness.

Trying to hide and control this infection was only creating gangrene and we had to amputate ourselves from it.

My husband has had gangrene before. He almost lost his leg because of it. He had refused to go to the doctor after a motorcycle accident. Hiding an injury doesn’t bring healing. You can cover it, but it continues to fester and it spreads infection through the whole body. The injury needs to be exposed and treated by a doctor and his team of nurses.

When a church is infected, covering things don’t bring healing.

When my marriage was infected, hiding it was’t bringing healing.

Allowing ourselves to be humble, reach out for help, and see The Doctor is where healing begins.

When a pastor and his staff try to cover an injury, mask it with a few anti-biotics, and cover it with a bandage, isn’t going to bring healing.

Miss Jane Doe wasn’t the same person after all that. Her little life was sucked out of her as she tried to persevere and get through her remaining years in the school. She graduated and moved on. We didn’t see her again for a long time.

This last December the public records showed a Jane Doe had filed a civil suit against the pastor, that youth pastor, and the church.

It only took a few seconds to search his name to discover he only spent 3 days in jail before he left the state.

The infection hasn’t healed. The pain still haunts people. The wound is going to be exposed and even in that exposing, people are deeply wounded by many other ‘illnesses’ that are festering in that same place.

I love the people and I pray each of them can find healing.

The root causes has to be dug out from the source and I trust the lawyers and judge will handle part of that root system.

This story is not a pretty glittery telling.

This story is a tragedy.

But how can we find the Gospel in this story?

For our family the redemption of the Lord was when He took us out of there.

The church itself has a few more months before this story goes to court.

I pray for them, but we do not want to go back.

Our redemption story is in our own healing and in our future as we serve the Lord and embrace our community with grace and love. Our story is continually unfolding as we walk through this life in Christ. We walk with a limp. Sometimes our scars are seen. We can’t hide them, but we can reveal them to show the glory of the Lord. He is our Doctor and our Healer.

Jane Doe has scars, but she flies with wings as eagles, because she dwells under the shadow of the Almighty.

Is there a telling in the future for those responsible?

I hope so. I pray that those people can find redemption, but they will need to face justice first.

There’s mercy in humility. There’s redemption in brokenness. There’s grace in exposure.

And love never ends.

A hurting church is wounded and needs prayer. Would you please pray for all these that remained?

Filed Under: Healing, Spiritual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Hiding the Pain of the Victims

April 17, 2011 By 2 Comments

For two years I have prayed that the movement I departed from would have their eyes opened to the freedom we have in Christ and begin to really love the least, the last, and the lost. Last week when 20/20 aired their segment on the abuses that have happened in the IFB movement, the responses from many in the IFB has confirmed yet again, that I will never go back.

They had an opportunity to rise up and offer words of healing to victims of abuse, and yet they chose to defend their name instead. They could have openly rebuked those arrogant abusive ‘pastors’ and they could be teaching the people how to vote them out. They could be reiterating the fact that they cooperate with the law enforcement agencies in the prosecution of sex offenders from their groups.

They did not.

There are some matters that can be handled ‘in-house’ such as stealing food from the food locker, when a staff member’s child gets in a battle on the playground with another child, or even when a deacon has trouble with drinking. But when men in the church molest and rape young girls, it’s time to go outside the church for help. When the pastor tries to convince parents not to call the police, not push for a trial, and keep the child silent, it’s time to go to the local law enforcement for help.

Many independent churches don’t have accountability above the pastor. Many churches have submitted for so long that any amount of questioning about how the pastors are dealing with these matters is met with control, hostility, and banishment from their churches.

This is not a biblical church.

The elders, bishops, and deacons in the churches in the bible do not lord over the people.

Jesus said “It shall NOT BE SO AMONG YOU.”

We are all equal.

Yes, even the women.

Just prior to the 20/20 episode there was a blog post by a prominent youth pastor among the IFB who shared a letter he got from a female student from an IFB college. There were many comments on the article. Some were quite harsh, most were outpouring of love and understanding, and several who stood in agreement with the girl. There were some comments that flat out said that the legalism in their movement is a major hindrance in the lives of the people. But my comment was deleted.

Here are some of the other comments he allowed to remain on his blog:

Private
Posted February 22, 2011 at 11:41 pm | Permalink
The young lady in the letter is sincerely asking Bro. Schmidt to help youth workers and parents, but what she may not realize is that, over the years, dozens of kids in his own youth group have turned their backs on God and have pointed their fingers at him saying the same thing, “Our parents and youth workers were not there for us.” Is it Bro. Schmidt’s fault? Did he not have the discernment or wisdom to help them with their struggles?
Maybe the heart issue that needs to be addressed is this propensity of young people to carry bitterness and point fingers. Young people watch dirty sitcoms because they enjoy them. They idolize pop culture heroes because they want to be like them. They listen to wild music because it feels good, and then they say, “If our parents and youth workers had done a better job, we would not be dealing with these issues.” Maybe as youth workers and parents we need to teach our young people to take responsibility for the bitterness and lack of forgiveness in their hearts. Maybe these are the vile, dirty sins of the heart that we are allowing to slip by unnoticed.
God is interested in the condition of our hearts, but every man is responsible for his own heart. I do not see in the Bible where teens and young adults are exempt from this responsibility.

Elsen
Posted February 23, 2011 at 4:32 am
I believe this letter goes very much to the heart of the problem in our fundamental movement. I would add, though, that although we parents have used this supposed “pursuit of excellence” from an external perspective as we raised our children and often had to face serious negative results, if the policy of our churches do not change the emphasis likewise I see 2 things that will be perpetuated: the children will remain in a conflict situation where they hear a church leadership rhetoric emphasizing what the Lord did not; and the PARENTS will continue to be ‘raised’ to promote the externals and not the internal relationship with the Lord Jesus.

Anonymous
Posted February 23, 2011 at 6:59 am
I agree that “Rules without Relationship breeds rebellion”. It is sad when parents miss the mark and think that their rules and consequences of breaking those rules are the end all. You have to have rules, but you have to have the right Relationship (with Christ)! Parents, we’re not being all we can if we don’t get this point!
But I’d like to say that too many teenagers are looking for excuses and too many people parents and youth workers are catoring to that! Teenagers, do you really think that you’re going to stand before God and blame your parents? If you’ve been taught the Bible, than you know right from wrong, the consequences of disobedience and the blessings of obedience! Great lessons all of us can learn from this!

Stephen Nissley
Posted February 23, 2011 at 8:39 am
I guess by the looks of things I pretty much stand alone here. I think this is a joke! Dad gets the blame for the girls rebellion. I have seen this happen many times in my 35 years of preaching but when it does there is something wrong at home. The home is NOT a “good” fundamental godly christian home. The home is a mess! The family is one way at church and another at home, in other words they are phonies! This kind of stuff sells books but all it really needs is strong preaching. My wife and I raised 8 kids in church. We have two full time preachers and one missionary. The rest are serving the Lord in Ind. Fund. KJV Baptist churches. There are many many many just like our family.

Chris
Posted February 23, 2011 at 10:13 am
I wanted to say thank you to the young girl who wrote this to Bro. Schmidt. It must have taken a lot of courage to share that not knowing the response that it would bring. Thank you for allowing God to use you to remind all of us what is important as parents. I’ve been married over 11 years with two young children at home, one with the Lord and one on the way. Every day I try to do what the Bible says I should do as a father, and every day I feel like I fall short. My earnest desire is that no matter who they become or what they do in life, that they will have a heart for God. When I mess up everything else, I always try to share my heart with my kids. I want them to see how much I depend on God and how much I need him in everything that I do. I hope that even though they may not know every Bible story and and may not be able to quote much scripture, that they will have a heart for God. If God has our children’s hearts; He can help with all the areas where we fall short. Thank you again for sharing; it has made a difference in my life and that of others. God bless!

Amanda Rene’e
Posted February 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm
I definitely understand where this younglady is coming from… My dad is an independent fundamental baptist preacher… And I attended Bible College. But I can remember my parents not having time for us because they were so busy as were we with ministry that I think we all lost sight of God’s first institution- FAMILY. I can actually recall setting up a “pastoral” appointment to tell my dad somthing… I was having trouble and needed his guidance and I set up an appointment. When he asked why I did that I replied that it was the only way I knew he would definitely talk to me… If it was on the church books. Needless to say none of my parents 6 children attend church regularly. I know of 4 at least that have very lil if anything to do with God. My brother said that my parents “religion” left a bad taste in his mouth. I guess I wish someone would have emphasized that christian teens have struggles and that sending a kid to camp is not a cure all for lacking parental guidance and love. I am not bitter I would like my testimony to inspire other parents out there to take the extra time…. My dad helped other families with their relationships while all of them in our family fell apart.

And here was my response, that was deleted:

“Dear Brother Schmidt,
I echo the writers words loud and clear. I am UTTERLY thankful that you have HEARD her soul in this and have shared this publicly.

I was in the IFB movement for almost 15 years and the rigid rules almost destroyed my family. We did everything the preacher said we should do to turn out good kids. He promised that his teachings would work every time. But time and time again we saw kids from good homes fly straight into the face of drugs, alcohol, jail, and various other torments. But it’s not just the rigid rules, it’s the hypocrisy of the leaders. (not all of them) but a good number of them who insist their way is the only right way. And when those leaders put their own families on the pedestal, and even their own daughters are highlighted as THE example and the other teens KNOW BETTER.

They see those kids with the pastors and deacons aren’t looking. So I wanted to share with you that it’s not just the rules. It’s the lies. The sweeping under the rug. The constant suspicions of “sin” in others. It’s all these things that take place in many churches, not just those of the IFB movement. It would really really help if pastors would say very clearly, they do NOT have all the answers, that’s why we walk by FAITH. I can’t tell you how many nights we spent crying, sobbing, with our teen daughters when we left the IFB churches. Our family was so crushed by everything, it piles up year after year. The weight of the Law crushes people. We can’t live up to the Law and we aren’t supposed to. Not the OT Law and certainly not the church’s made up laws. We need GRACE. Good old fashioned

RADICAL lavishing GRACE. We need to know that we will all fall at some time or another and that doing all these church activities and scripture memorization is NOT our foundation, our foundation and only Savior is Christ. Preaching at people about sin doesn’t free them from it. Christ does that. Preach grace, please preach grace. Guidelines and boundaries in life is great, it’s part of discipleship..but lets make sure not to allow those guidelines and rules deceive us into thinking we won’t fall.

And lets not be so blind to think that life is all roses and lolly pops. Building our lives around the church isn’t what gets us through life, it’s building our lives on the foundation that does that. Because as hard as we try to build our homes on the rock, the storm still comes and it’s the foundation that stands the firmest. All our brick and mortar, wood, hay and stubble crashes hard. Just like we see in Japan..the foundations of the homes are still there, but the homes aren’t. We are One with our Foundation, One with Christ our Lord. And one last thought..the ones who just may have it the hardest, are your Pastor’s Wives and daughters.”

My plea for help was deleted. He did not email me. I was hidden and swept under the rug. I am not surprised, but I am disappointed. I had tried reaching out to other IFB pastors for help before. This is the third time I got this kind of brush off.

When Jack Schaap first aired his public opinion from his pulpit on the episode of 20/20 he made sure everyone knew how he felt…he stated that his words were ‘the word of God’ and defended  his opinions as ‘standing where God stands’. He was quite sure of himself that what 20/20 showed about him was something to be proud of. But a couple days later the video clips of him stating these things were removed from YouTube as a complaint of a ‘copyright violation’. A copyright violation? For a 2 minute video clip of something he said from a pulpit with a 501c3 PUBLIC ministry? Why delete the video if it’s something he’s so proud of? Then a new series of videos were posted on YouTube with the very misleading title “Jack Schaap’s response to 20/20″ which is a 5 part series on “how great Jack’s ministry is”

Deleting and covering up.

Isn’t this exactly what 20/20 revealed was happening in the IFB movement?

Their responses prove that what 20/20 revealed is true.

“Be sure, your sin will find you out”

A real minister, when shown to be wrong, unkind, lacking compassion, would openly admit it, in humility and love, and seek public forgiveness.

A real minister of the Gospel of peace would offer condolences to the victims and their families.

You see, when tragedy strikes and children are abused, the answer isn’t the church. The answer isn’t the church program of getting donned in a suit and tie, or getting a floor length dress and nylons. The answer is not found in arrogantly shouting about how your low opinion of women is somehow God’s opinion of women. The answer is not found in degrading women with weight issues and making fun of their weaknesses.

The answer is Christ. The response of Christ’s people is love and humility.

Usually the reason someone deletes messages, videos, and comments is due to pride. It’s easier for them to delete, than it is to apologize and admit they are wrong. They think that by hiding what they did and trying to move on as if it never happened will work.

But the victims know better.

It’s easier for them to not address your pain, than it is to examine what the problem is and offer compassion.

It’s easier for them to delete videos, hide their own sin, and keep pointing out everyone else’s sins, than it is for them to humble themselves so Christ can lift them up.

Standing higher on their platforms and shouting louder about how they think their opinions are right is not the way of Christ.

Christ is humble. He came to serve, to love, to embrace the oppressed abused and worn. He came to wash feet. He came to lower himself to the lowest possible place.

I think it’s obvious what a real leader is.

Be wise before you submit yourself to abusive, arrogant, lofty, bull horn shouting bullies.

Find a place of grace where being transparent is welcomed and where the wounded are lifted up and the leaders are humbling themselves to ‘wash your feet’ and tend to your wounds.

I had hoped that someone with a high profile among the IFB, like Jack Schaap, might take this as an opportunity to address the many abuses happening in the IFB and BE A LEADER and stand up WITH these victims and proclaim that all IFB preachers (at least the ones who came from his college) would humble themselves and address this growing epidemic and make the necessary changes to be sure matters like these are dealt with swiftly by local law enforcement.

I have yet to see this happen. And I am free to never step foot in an IFB church ever again.

My salvation has nothing to do with which church I go to. It has everything to do with Christ my Lord. The Savior of all.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Related Article:

Help When Leaving a Cult

Filed Under: Grace, Legalism, Spiritual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Finding Help When Leaving a Cult

April 16, 2011 By 5 Comments

There certainly are many online forums where you can go and talk with others about your experiences. It helps to know you’re not alone and to hear about the experiences of other people provides some validation for what you’ve been through. I have participated in many online groups over the years and have found many that were very productive and supportive and then there have been some that ended up furthering the damage I had already suffered. Thankfully, I know certified counselors who have helped walk me through various tragedies I have been through, but not everyone has certified counselors as friends.

I do not recommend using ONLY online forums for help when you have suffered from trauma of any kind. I also do not recommend that you speak to clergy (pastors, bishops etc) unless they are certified as trauma counselors. Some Christians have asked about secular counselors and expressed their concern about that since many cults openly refute going outside the church for counseling much less a secular counselor. Since religion has the track record of having trauma issues with victims of various abuses, I hesitate having counseling within their systems while you are vulnerable.

A victim of trauma, whether it’s physical, sexual, or spiritual, can suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I recommend that victims find a counselor who is certified in PTSD, relationships, and spirituality to help you.

In addition to talking to a counselor, I recommend that you do not attempt to attack your oppressor/abuser in any way whatsoever. Do not attempt to contact them, do not follow them on the Internet, and only contact the government authorities when there is physical or sexual abuse, or if you are being harassed by repeated and excessive unsolicited phone calls, mail, or the visits to your home or work place.

When you decide to join a support group, select one that has certified counselors there to moderate so you can be protected as you begin to share your story. If you’re seeing a counselor on your own, I would ask for recommendations from them to make sure you are in a legitimate support group. Many times the online forums are mainly other victims who may not be equipped to handle moderating such a sensitive group of victims. Use caution before sharing private information with them.

If you decide to blog your journey out, talk to an attorney first so you know what you can and can’t say in public., Anything you post on your blog can be potentially used against you and incite hostility among the group’s loyal members and that could backfire on you and your family. Consider using a pseudonym and avoid naming the abuser and the church name or it’s address. You can specify which movement you came out of, but avoid using a broad brush to accuse them all of such abuses. You can disagree with their church politics system and doctrines, explain how you feel the teachings are mentally, emotionally, or spiritually abusive. Your story is more likely to be listened to if you are as tactful and respectful as possible in what you’re writing.

Discussions on Facebook or other social networks can be tricky and you want to make sure your account is as private as possible to avoid hate mail or false friend requests from people posing as mutual friends of people you might know. Hostile cult members might stalk you online to read what you’re saying and that will only provoke them to be more aggressive. NEVER share information about an ongoing, unsettled case.

I began blogging about my journey a while ago, but only recently mentioned the denomination due to the fact that it ended up on 20/20. But I am careful not to name which specific church I am from. The only people who will know are those from my area who happen to find my blog and connect the dots. I do not share information that can be viewed as slander or that would incriminate those in that group. I do share the teachings and how they conduct their church politics with my disagreement on those issues. The only situations that were specific, that I shared, were situations that happened publicly and what is already on the county’s public Superior Court website.

I recently joined a cult “support” group on Facebook only to discover that the leader was provoking these tender, wounded victims to call all their local law enforcement, District Attorney’s, and social services to make generalized reports against the entire church movement. This is so grossly beyond unwise that I am shaking my head. No victim who is under this kind of duress should EVER be told and provoked to get involved in trying to be a vigilante to take the law into their own hands. A real support leader who wants to pursue a legal matter would hire a lawyer and an investigative team to handle these kinds of issues. If anyone ever puts you in a position to attempt to handle legal matters on your own, USE CAUTION and consider leaving the group so you won’t be taken advantage of.

Many times victims are passionate about informing others about false doctrines and potentially put them in dangerous positions. Sometimes that passion can manifest in ways and with words that could actually hinder their cause, rather than help them. Their best course of action is to hire lawyers and let them handle it professionally.

Raising awareness to an issue that you feel is needed in our society should be done professionally and as peacefully as possible. Consult a lawyer, or another Awareness Campaign Manager that has a good reputation in their own causes, for guidelines to help make your campaign a powerful one that is respected by the listening and watching audience.

If you have any questions let me know.

*Disclaimer: I am NOT a lawyer. I am, however,  a certified PTSD counselor, Addictions and Recovery Counselor, Assistant to an Interventionist, and have 17 years experience in spiritual matters and abusive relationships through ministry.

If you have questions about legal matters I recommend you call a lawyer. Many lawyers will meet with you for free for a consultation.

Filed Under: Healing, Spiritual Abuse Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

The Holey Cover Ups

April 8, 2011 By 5 Comments

I have always tried to make it a point to never bring up a specific denomination in my writings, and I tend to lean away from giving any additional ‘advertising’ to wacko cults who picket the world with hate signs, but sometimes justice is demanded and victims need to rise up together and speak up for the greater good.

We know that the Catholic Church has many heinous crimes of pedophiles of it’s own to deal with and I’m not going to get into targeting them, they have enough media covering that as it is. What I do want to go on record as saying is that stories like Tina Anderson’s needs to be listened to. As a Christian community, we can’t hide these stories or dismiss them as lies. As a certified counselor for victims of spiritual abuse and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I can assure you that stories like hers are not rare, they’re just rare in getting the media’s attention.

Tonight on 20/20, Elizabeth Vargas presents her Yearlong Investigation Into The Independent Fundamental Baptist Church. You can view a snippit of tonight’s story where Tina Anderson speaks through tears about her abuse and the cover ups that followed.

It is of an absolutely broken and grieving heart that I say adamantly, that I am relieved this has been brought to light. I do not rejoice in evil..as a matter of fact I think the evil that was committed against Tina and many others like her needs to be brought to justice. I do not believe the victims are doing evil by speaking out. One should never victimize the victim further by attempting to say they are guilty of bitterness or an unforgiving heart.

I am firm in my belief about grace, but God is also just. I don’t believe he is an extremist by any means, but injustices done to the oppressed is always going to reap what it sows. I applaud Tina Anderson for speaking up. It takes GREAT COURAGE to do so!

I was deeply involved with th IFB movement for 15 years and I saw so many missing pieces over the years and many times people were hushed into silence with the accusation that anyone who speaks out is a gossip and should be rebuked. The tactics for “church discipline” are widely misused in the IFB movement. I WISH, I could say that stories like Tina’s are rare and isolated, but they aren’t.

My husband was asked to consider becoming a deacon just days before we left our former church. He declined the position and I am so thankful he did. We saw a series of events and lies snowballing and we just couldn’t continue to support their church.

Leaving was incredibly difficult because we knew that leaving would mean questions. The more people who questioned us the more we would have to explain and the more we knew that no one would believe us. We were right, no one believed us. We were called liars, trouble makers, and lies were spread around about us to discredit us so that others would shun us and be afraid to ask us any more questions.

But those who had left before us, did believe us.

I sought out many of the former members, who at one time were dear friends of mine. When I told them we had left, they finally told us their stories too. My husband sought out help from other local pastors and they also confirmed that they knew that the IFB is a cult. Although we lost the friends who decided to remain, we regained the friends who had left previously.

I began searching the Internet to see if anyone else had ever written about this movement and there were only a few small things mentioned. Over the last two years the collection of stories have increased by leaps and bounds.

The hardest part for me, in speaking out, is that I have a few friends in the blogosphere who attend IFB churches.

I am deeply sorry that these stories are difficult to read. I know the first reaction is denial and anger toward those who are speaking up about the IFB abuse. If it was an isolated case then you wouldn’t be seeing stories from all over the country that span back for decades. The next reaction might be to disconnect from me totally. Should anyone decide to do so I won’t hold it against you. But know this, now that you have heard of these incidents happening you owe it to yourself, your spouse, and your children to investigate further. Keep your eyes opened. Don’t allow your family to become victims.

For those who believe it’s time for you to leave the IFB movement, you have support. There are others who have also left and can offer friendship and encouragement to get out. If you have family members who have always been suspicious of the IFB churches, go to them for help first. They can be your advocate and help you leave. You might think I sound a bit alarming about needing help to leave, and that’s precisely the point. It’s always hard to leave. When we left, we were told by the pastor not to tell people why we left, not to contact any of our friends about it, cease all emails to them, no phone calls, etc. Our family was the first to be contacted so we could have support in leaving.

Many IFB pastors have said that these are isolated incidents, but it keeps happening in their movement. The same scenarios play out. The same way of covering up. The holey cover ups. They are full of holes. They misuse scripture to make you feel like you’re the one doing wrong, they try to justify their accusations against you as ‘discipline’ for your ‘rebellion’. Some IFB leaders have even used information you shared with them in counseling sessions as weaponry against you to keep you quiet.

So, for Tina Anderson and others like her, I stand with you.

I don’t want my blog to become an Anti-IFB resource, but over the next few days I will be sharing just a few more things about this then resume my regular style of writing.

Be safe. Help raise awareness. Offer support to those needing help to leave.

** An additional note: If you are an IFB Pastor you should be proclaiming loudly to your church about such matters and putting yourself and your staff in the hot seat of accountability so your church members know you aren’t hiding these kinds of stories. I don’t want to hear any rebukes from ANY of you for writing this article. If you will stand by these victims by boldly sending a message to all IFB Churches that you will NOT tolerate any kind of abuse or cover ups like this and you take a stand about these matters then I would applaud you. For anyone who tries to silence or belittle the victims, shame on you!

I realize that some from my former church may see this article one day and all I can say is that if you attempt to harm me for speaking up, you are best to leave me alone, but if you want help leaving the IFB Cult, I would be glad to assist you.

Recommended Resources:

Spiritual Abuse Awareness

Spiritual Abuse

IFB Watchdog

Ind. Fundamental Baptist Deception

Paradise Recovered

WellSpring Retreat Center

Cult Info

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