Just in case you missed it, I wrote a letter to Jesus and my fellow Christians before I sat down to write to you. Please be sure to let the devil know that I’m not done with writing letters just yet. He has his coming soon.

Allow me to preface this letter with a reminder (not that you need it, but my readers might) about the story of Esther. First of all, her husband, the king, is an idiot. What kind of husband would carry the rule of death  over his own wife if she entered the throne room. Get real! Nevertheless, I admire her courage to boldly go before her king with the problem she and her people was facing. She had to risk her life just to try and save her people. She wasn’t rude at all, she went in humbly and I appreciate that. In the New Testament, in this thing people call the bible, it says we can boldly go before the throne of grace. So with all that in mind, I trust that you are holding out your golden scepter over me as I approach you with something very important to me and my people. I know many will shudder in fear that I am coming to you so frankly, but I have a very difficult time believing you would be wroth with me for doing so when the oppressed people are crying out for help.

Esther courageously informed the king that there was one in his court that was planning to destroy all her people. That was a bold move to make. She made an accusation and from what I understand of the culture in their day, women didn’t flippantly do such a thing out of fear of being physically punished. She was needing to “tattle” on an “authority” in her kingdom. I understand a little about what that feels like. I’ve had to tattle on a few authorities myself. I’ve even questioned how they carry out your laws and I have been shunned and accused of being a heretic.

If this grace that Jesus and Paul spoke of is true, then I walk in the power of that grace as I come to you with my problems. You see, not only do I need to talk with you about some of the things in the bible, but also about what’s going on down here on earth with people who claim to be your spokespeople and under shepherds. But even more than that, I need to talk to you about your anger problem.

I keep thinking that maybe these prophets and leaders were mistaken. I can’t fathom how you would ever command or empower people to kill humans, slaughter women and children, and claim that to be your perfect will. If a man did that today, they’d think the guy was psycho and needing to be locked up in a loony bin. So either the writers of the books in the bible were mistaken or you need a good domestic violence program. I know a few, if you’re interested.

I’ve been a victim of domestic violence and I turned my life around to help other victims as well. I know this might sound odd, but I can’t help but to feel sorry for you. The bible makes you sound like you have self-esteem issues. I’ve experienced jealously before and I know how awful it is to deal with. But what I learned in my own marriage is that I needed to be fully self confident so that jealousy didn’t run my life or throw me into a panic any time a pretty woman walked by my husband. I would think that a perfect God could be more patient..like Edward from Twilight. He was able to keep his cool when Jacob came around to try to seduce and manipulate Bella. Edward didn’t want to bully Bella into a relationship with him. He wanted it to be of her own choosing. He waited patiently for her and loved her dearly even when she was acting foolish. He didn’t get angry at her or threaten to destroy her if she looked at Jacob.

Anyway, I am hoping you’re not really like the writers say you are. Then I came upon one verse in the bible ….that says… “to people who are pure, you show yourself pure and to people who are crooked you ‘seem’ torturous.” And  there  is where I suspect that the writers had some mental health issues and they misunderstood you all those years. Then when Jesus simply said, “Who do you say that I am”, it hit me. I need to be able to know you and Jesus based on my own personal experience, not on how others view you. If I view you based on the crooked people’s observations, then I would have to view you as torturous. Pardon me God, but I have never been tortured by you. There was a time though…that I think I thought you were torturous…which most likely explains more about the people who were teaching me, and myself, than it does about you.

Which leads me to my next complaint. There are people down here who are belittling the brethren and sisters of the Kingdom. They claim to be your spokespeople and under shepherds, but they seem more interested in breaking the legs of the sheep than carrying them to safety. They line their pockets with our house payments with promises that you will provide our needs for us..but more people are losing their homes as they have filled their offering plates with their last penny. I realize that I can’t do anything to stop these so called under shepherds, but perhaps you could give me some power to speak the truth and get the people to listen? They need to be woken up from their hypnotic trances.

In the mean time, as the people begin to wake up, the other blind followers of those crooked leaders turn on us all like a pack of ravenous vampires. It’s worse than watching Underworld. Selene is much easier to deal with than those so called followers of yours. They certainly seem very misguided. I hesitate on asking you to hold them back a bit, they really do need leashes, but I understand that when people see them for what they really are, that it will serve as a caution to never go back.

God, I know people who have been so hurt by these under shepherds and their followers, that they have a very hard time believing in you. These so called leaders have misrepresented you. The people have believed them…that you’re really like what they claim you to be…and therefore they have openly rejected you. I can’t blame them really. You know I wrestled with you a couple of years ago. I had to come to grips with “who do you say that I am” and rest in the grace that Jesus spoke of for me to be able to even want to still have you in my life. And even to this day… I have a serious problem with how you are portrayed in the Old Testament. I can’t accepted that you really had such a violent temper, that you needed Jesus to jump in front of us as you came at us like a freight train and you ended up accepting his death just so you wouldn’t destroy us. Because quite frankly, God..if that really is you, then I don’t think you are worthy of worship. Could it be possible that all the glorious things that were said about “God” in the Old Testament was really Jesus in charge while you were on vacation? Did he step in when you weren’t looking? Because what some writers said about “God” sure doesn’t match what other writers said about “God”.

Is it possible that you and Jesus are a bit like that guy in Batman who goes by the name Two-Faced? Or how about Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde? It’s just really tough to try to make sense out of you. Maybe it’s more about us than it is about you. Maybe all of us humans just really struggle with who we are and that’s why we can’t see you as perfect..because we aren’t perfect. In the times we are weak and crooked in our thinking..you seem to be a torturous God. I’d rather see the pure God all the time…but I don’t have a pure mind all the time. And even though I know Jesus is my righteousness..I’m still a fallible human.

This is where I’m probably going to get way too close to that slippery slope everyone keeps talking about. But you are so complex that my human mind splinters while trying to figure you out. So maybe that’s why people worship lesser gods and goddesses. Or maybe they aren’t really lesser…but just individual personas of you. Maybe this makes it easier for people to approach you. The bible does indicate in numerous places that there ARE other gods and goddeses. I know there were a few that you weren’t exactly fond of, but you didn’t say much about the other ones. I mean… I know you have that jealousy problem, but what is their to be jealous of? Surely you aren’t actually jealous of Molech. He’s really creepy. I think I can understand you being jealous of Athena though, she’s really pretty. And Diana..wow, she’s a warrior woman.

Here’s the thing about jealousy though, if you are so magnificent, then you don’t have anything to worry about. People will figure out who you really are and make up their own minds. But if you really think that destroying them if they don’t choose you is the best way to go, then I feel sorry for you. I love my children and I would never destroy them if they lived their whole lives rejecting me. I love them more than that. Because true love doesn’t destroy people, it sets them free.

Anyway, whoever is giving those uneducated spokespeople power to speak in your name.. don’t mind me when I push back. I just won’t continue to tolerate such behavior against my own brothers and sisters of humanity.

I know for a fact that I experienced Jesus..he revealed himself to me when I was quite young..before I ever read the bible. I just knew. But you…I’ve never really had a ‘revelation’ of you the way I had of Jesus. I know people say you and Jesus are One…but that’s a difficult concept for me to comprehend. I was told that you understand us, that through Jesus, you/Jesus know what it’s like to be human. But do you know what it’s like to be a female? I haven’t found any stories that depict you as experiencing cramps and my menstrual cycle has been giving me hell lately (pun intended). So maybe you have experienced a ‘type’ of menstrual cycle and labor pains in the spiritual realm..but if you’re going to reveal yourself as a human to show us you understand what it’s like to be human, then shouldn’t you have had to be pregnant and give birth? I would think you would need to experience engorgement and blocked milk ducts. It’s really quite painful, especially when the baby bites. It also seems to me that you would need to come to earth as a teenage girl with weight issues and small breasts, because the bullying us girls go through is awful. Please don’t patronize us females when you say “I understand”. Pardon my boldness, but I don’t think you do. Unless you have been a female like we are, then how can you say you understand how we feel?

Then I come to the cross where Jesus died and he said to one of his disciples, “Behold your mother” and Mary wasn’t really this guy’s mom. Could the Catholics be onto something when they honor Mary so much? Was that you in female form? There certainly is a lot in the bible about honoring both father and mother. And how could you have a son without a wife? Mary certainly knew what it was like to be pregnant and have rumors spread about her. A virgin, pregnant? Ya right. She must have been the laughing stock of her town. That’s a lot of pressure for a teenage girl to go through in such a patriarchal society that lived by the Law and oppressed women as less than. Ok so this is starting to sound more like a rant and I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I’m just talking to you from my heart, sharing my feelings, and I was told I could talk to you like I talk to anyone else.

Maybe the stories about you sound more like a human man with self esteem issues because it shows us how to just be who we are, human. That it’s normal to wrestle with who we are, experience all that goes on in this life, suffer and be joyful all in the same week. Maybe you’re more like we are than we thought. Perhaps we just don’t understand how to be what we were created to be, humans with needs and longings, heartaches, and enlightenment. Maybe it’s easier to be a human when we see that even God struggles with being perfect.

At any rate, I’m glad I can come to you just as I am. As you can tell, I have been told many things about you that just don’t make sense. Thank you for your patience while I try to sort all these things out.

Respectfully,

p.s. Don’t forget to let the devil know that he’s next…. and I’m taking the gloves off for that one.