In all my years in traditional Christianity, the topic of prayer grew to be very difficult for me. We were told, “just talk to God like you talk to anyone else“. We were then given all sorts of rules on how to pray, what you could and could not ask for, and told we were selfish if we asked for something that was ‘of the flesh’. We had to ask for God to bless our food, as if he wasn’t already going to bless it? Were we going to get sick if we didn’t ask him to bless it? We were taught to pray without wavering, without ceasing, and with persistence.

Top it all off with praying in accordance with God’s will and close each prayer with, ‘In Jesus’ Name, Amen’. And don’t prayer in vain repetitions. How do you not prayer repetitively while praying persistently? Then there’s the rebuking of praying in public places (making yourself shown among man) then they tell you not to be ashamed to pray over your dinner in a restaurant…isn’t that a public prayer? Lets not forget the amount of prodding to get teenagers to pray in a circle around the flag. It becomes confusing to know if we really can approach his throne of grace or live in fear of lightning.

We were taught to pray when we woke up, pray at breakfast, pray during family devotions, pray before you drive the car, pray when you drop your kids off at school, pray over your lunch, pray when the spirit prompts you, pray for your day, pray with the kids after school, pray before dinner and finally we prayed at bedtime. Before you know it, prayer becomes so ritual that it loses it mystery and beauty and it just becomes a chore.

Now I simply pray as needed.

I also pray much differently than I did before. I won’t say my previous ‘prayer life’ was unfruitful. As a matter of fact, I have seen many prayers answered exactly as I requested them. The results were not always in my timing, but they were fulfilled. I am thoroughly grateful for those answered prayers, but what was more miraculous than the answers themselves, was what took place in my own heart and mind in the process.

I know the ‘name it and claim it’ crowd gets a lot of criticism, but I think they’re onto something. I don’t think that naming a mansion in the Mediterranean and claiming it is going to produce you a plane ticket and a mortgage certificate, but I have prayed for housing with very specific details that were within my budget…and gotten it.

I will not promise that one method of prayer works for all people, but what I will do is simply share what works for me.

I’m not one to nag God for goodies like some 3 year old in a grocery store, but if I have a need I do make it known. Some will say, “but Lisa, don’t you know God knows your need before you ask?” Yes, and that’s one of those things that hasn’t made much sense to me. I’m just being honest. If he knows our need then why do we need to ask? A popular answer is, “because it nurtures your relationship with God.” God is known as being sovereign, meaning that he fills the needs he desires to fill, or refuses to, all based on his own desires. So what’s the point in asking?

Sometimes I simply think a request and it is fulfilled. So I don’t think addressing God (Dear God,..) as if you’re writing a letter is necessary. Nor do I think the prayer needs to be closed in the same fashion (In Jesus’ name). I don’t think it’s necessary to pray in a circle, folding hands, or holding hands with someone else is necessarily required. I’m not against any of these things and you may decide to try a variety of them. It’s really all up to you. I don’t think saying ‘In Jesus’ Name’ is more or less powerful than saying, ‘In Christ’s name we pray with thanksgiving’. Some are far more casual and just say, “Hey God I need a raise, thanks”.

My personal journey of prayer has taken on a very natural and spontaneous turn and for now this is what works for me.

I no longer pray at every moment of the day in ritual fashion with repetitive words.  If something comes to my mind and my heart senses a need then I will simply say either out loud or in my mind, “Please let this come to pass” or whatever other words are fitting for the need. If I feel that I need to be more specific then I will.

Sometimes I have a heavy heart about something and I can’t find the words. During times like these, I may just light a candle and trust that whatever needs to happen will be in the best interest for everyone involved. What’s the point in lighting a candle? Does lighting a candle have spiritual power of some kind? I think there is a little bit of yes and a little bit of no. Simply lighting candles does not have power in it. Since we are human beings in a tangible realm, I believe that we instinctively desire to “do” something when praying on its own seems difficult. This may be why we find ourselves getting caught up in rituals or traditions when it comes to prayer.

I reserve lighting candles for important prayers. I have lit candles for the East Coast when hurricanes are on their way, when a person has died or is about to die, or if my heart is so heavily burdened for something that I can’t find words for. When I pray during a candle prayer, I speak out loud as I light it and state exactly why I’m lighting the candle. I will keep that candle lit until I turn in for the night. I never leave candles burning while I’m asleep or out of the house.

There are some beliefs that tell of certain colored candles being for specific purposes. If using those colored candles helps you, then I say go for it. I don’t think God is as interested in the candles or their colors as we are and it’s more about our growth and faith than anything else.

Sometimes I pray at a specific place in my home. Many Christians talk about their ‘prayer closet’, but rarely do they ever pray in a literal closet. It simply means to pray privately. Some kneel next to their beds or in a specific chair by the window of their bedroom. You may choose to pray on the porch, in front of the fireplace, or out in the garden.

Sometimes having an action of some kind helps you. Catholics use rosary beads to pray with, others might use a journal and pen all their prayers. Using a journal can be very effective in growing your faith, because after a prayer is answered, you can write it down and date it. Over the years you can see all the prayers that have been answered and how long each one took to get answered.

Each type of prayer can be accompanied by a specific ritual or tradition. For example, when I pray for my health I do something very different. The first thing I do is take a shower and get dressed. I make sure my teeth are brushed well and my hair is brushed and put back. I have a picture of myself from when I was in really good health on my dresser as a reminder of why it’s a goal of mine to have better health. I pour myself an 8-12 ounce glass of drinking water (not tap) and set it there on my dresser. I look myself in the mirror and tell myself that I want to eat healthier and exercise more. I say, out loud, why I want to be healthier and tell my picture that I am going to bring her back to the present. That healthier me is way back in the past and I want her here. I lean over my glass of water and bless the water with health and energy, then I drink it all down. Blessing the water myself gives me a boost of power in my faith, that I really do have the ability and strength to make changes in my life. You don’t need to have a priest bless your water for you, you can do it yourself. I give myself some encouraging words such as, “I can do this” or “I will abstain from eating anymore Halloween candy because it’s not good for my teeth or my hips.” I really believe in positive reinforcement for ourselves and that we can and should take more responsibility for ourselves in matters such as these.

I don’t think simply praying, “God help me not to overeat today” is enough. That sounds like a person in a weak position who is susceptible to falling flat on her face the moment she gets to the kitchen and see the Oreos in the cookie jar. I firmly believe in walking in the power of our self will and exercising that power to the fullest. I know a lot of Christians would tell you not to be ‘arrogant’ and that this style of prayer is self promoting or not humble before the Lord, but I disagree. In the Old Testament, we see the fathers blessing their children themselves. The prophetess Anna blessed the baby Jesus and Jesus blessed the fish and loaves of bread. Then Jesus said that we would do greater things than he did. I think part of the problem today is that we just don’t try.

I’m not saying to go out and try to part the Pacific Ocean or drive to the cemetery and try to rise your great aunt from the grave. I just think that we have more power in prayer than we realize.

I have a personal belief about using caution in my prayers. If a prayer for myself would cause a void for someone else, then I have to think creatively about how I craft my words. I wouldn’t pray for someone to lose their job so I could get the position, but praying that person gets a promotion so a door opens for me would be a better and more ethical prayer. I do believe that we reap what we sow, and because of that I think we need to be wise in what we ask for and how we ask it.

Another example of prayer for myself would be in my housekeeping. This may sound silly to some, but for me it is needed. If there’s one chore I despise most, it’s the kitchen. I would much rather clean the bathroom than wash dishes and I can’t expect that the mop and sponges are going to magically clean the kitchen for me like Wizard Mickey’s scene from Fantasia.  So to help myself get the kitchen clean I approach it with some positive and motivating prayer rituals/traditions. The first thing I do is tell myself how great the kitchen is going to look when I’m done. I can close my eyes and imagine it clean and organized. I breathe deep and claim that joy before I open my eyes. I allow myself to begin to feel happy and satisfied with that clean kitchen. Then I will light a scented candle (I love the kitchen baked goods aromas that Bath and Body has).

I will put on some upbeat music and an apron. I get out the sponge and soap and start in! I stack the dishes on the counter according to plates, bowls, etc. I must have everything organized in order to get it all clean with efficiency and in a timely manner. I keep that ‘clean kitchen image’ in my mind and hold onto the joy while I’m cleaning. Once the kitchen is completely clean I can stand there and enjoy the literal answer to my prayer. But even more amazing than that clean kitchen is how I did it with gladness and when I am done I’m not unhappy or bogged down with a dreadful “I did my chores” attitude. In this scenario, praying for a clean kitchen was more about my heart than it was about getting the dishes clean. Not only did the kitchen get clean, my attitude change, and since that scented candle was lit the whole time, now the kitchen smells amazing.

I think that some prayers for specifically designed for our own personal growth. When difficult times come our way, I try to look at how praying for that thing can be an opportunity to change me for the better. Can the outcome of that prayer grow me and my faith in the process? Or is it just about getting what I want? Maybe it can be both.

Unanswered prayers either warrant a re-evaluation of why I’m praying for it or what the purpose is, or maybe the timing isn’t right and I just keep praying for it. I don’t pray ‘about’ it..I pray FOR it. There’s a lot more than just this, but felt this was a good start for some discussion on the topic. Do you have anything to add? Any personal experiences of prayer that grew your faith?