Accusations of Being Bitter or Negative?

November 21, 2011 By 2 Comments

When your heart has been broken and your trust betrayed, speaking up is not always viewed as needful, in fact it can sometimes be viewed as negative and with a bitter or critical tone. Sometimes just speaking up about our own weaknesses can bring on criticism.

This is one of the most damaging things we can say to each other.

Lets stop trying to run over and hide a persons’ wounds and words that come from their brokenness.

Stop and listen.

We’re not all going to always be understood the first time we say something. Our blog posts, Tweets, and Facebook statuses can be easily misunderstood. What feels like a healing post for some, might be viewed as a knock on another.

A 140 character Tweet is a tricky sort of communication. Send out a bland tweet and it gets ignored, give it an eye catching phrase and you could get a negative reaction, or a positive one…it all depends on the person reading it.

And when people gush out of their brokenness it’s not always going to look flattering.

This is where we get to live in the moment where grace is needed.

When we open discussions that trigger deep pain and comments burst forth with emotion…don’t whack people over the head with accusations of rebellion or bitterness. They’re broken and they trusted their audience with their transparency and where are the ministers of grace?

We claim to be followers of grace, but the moment it’s needed we foul it all up with strapping down people with verbal duct tape. We accuse people of having a negative tone and the audience might take the lead from the one trying to hush them.

And it’s more difficult when all of this happens in a community of friends.

If we blog from our brokenness, then we’re going to see people start opening up about their own pain and that’s where healing can begin…but not when they see others hushed or rebuked. That just clogs the arteries to the heart that needs healing.

We can’t holler at people who are bleeding. “Stop bleeding, you’re making a mess around here!“

I thought this community was a spiritual hospital. Do we want to see the wounded take their injuries to another community?

A Christian community is supposed to be for healing..that means broken people are going bleed in your presence and sometimes their injuries are inflicted by people within that community.

There’s no time for playing the blame game, injured people need grace.

If injured people can’t trust us with their wounds, then don’t be surprised when they leave the community all together and go elsewhere and for God’s sake don’t rebuke them for leaving. Would you keep going back to a hospital that kept pushing you out of the waiting room?

And if this post ruffles your feathers, it’s probably because there some truth in what I’m saying. None of us like to have our toes stepped on, but I think it’s high time we face the fact that our Christian community is dysfunctional.

When people talk about the pain they’ve experienced in the Christian community then rush to their side and give them some compassion. How dare we think our community is picture perfect all the time. Stop trying to defend a community as if it’s perfect. We’re not a perfect community and we can’t hide our faults. We’re a bunch of human beings who fall flat on our faces on a regular basis.

We have believers who haven’t grown in the 40+ years they’ve claimed to be a Christian while others who are new to this community have more wisdom and compassion in their little fingers.

Are we growing cold, withering on the vine, and refusing grace to one another?

When we say we’ve been hurt in the Christian community, we’re gasping for air so we can survive.

It’s ok to tell someone you see it happening. It’s ok to validate their pain. Because I will tell you this my friends..a person seeking healing is far more important than the reputation of your organizations.

How dare we bolster ourselves to protect the image of a business/ministry entity over consoling a person who was wounded there.

And while there are plenty of people going through a mass exodus from Christianity, I am not going to ditch my community and let the pushing, arguing, and indifferent people take over. I’m standing my ground and saying, enough is enough! I’ll stand in the fray with the wounded and lick their wounds for them if I have to. But don’t you dare push them out and try to cover their brokenness, because you’re embarrassed or more concerned about your own images.

People aren’t leaving Christianity because the world is enticing…they’re leaving because it’s a battle ground. I’m looking for people who will stand with me and help the wounded.

Filed Under: Friends, Healing Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Hospitable Communication

November 11, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I’ve taken a day to re-examine my last post where I shared my thoughts about Serena’s vlog, “Ode to the Oddball“. In my article I stated, “I don’t think she is criticizing the conference necessarily, but she is opening the discussion for those who feel awkward in Christian circles.“

Serena made an additional point on twitter when she said to me,

“I would have talked about being an oddball at the grocery store if that was my last social function. :) ”

She was further clarifying that her perspective was not about Relevant, nor about Christian circles, but just, in general, in social settings.

However, for myself..a person who has experienced a lot of unpleasant issues within Christianity, her message spoke to me on levels that perhaps she didn’t not realize when she made her video.

Since Christian circles are the majority of circles I run in…then that is where my personal experience with feeling like an oddball resides. I have ventured out into fellowship with people of various spiritual paths and interestingly enough… I don’t feel like an oddball with them.

I had contemplated whether or not the real issue is just me. Am I somehow the one with the dysfunction? Why do I often feel like a fish out of water? So I examined myself much closer and discovered that I don’t feel that way in other types of groups.

So the question remains..is my dilemma about Christianity? Surely not all Christians give me that feeling of being out of sync. The dynamic of personalities is different with each group you are in. I can walk into a home of Hmong people and feel like an oddball. Is it the Hmong family’s fault or mine?

Social situations can vary quite often and I definitely think it’s a two way street. The idea of hospitality is a huge part of a Druid community as well as some Christian churches. A good host or hostess who values their spiritual principle of hospitality will go to great lengths to make sure you feel at home with their group. If you feel like an oddball, they would become an oddball with you. This is what I see the apostle Paul describing when he said, “I become all things to all people”.

I can’t judge a group for not being hospitable in this way, for not all groups have hospitality as a high priority. At the same time, we can’t expect them to be fake and we certainly wouldn’t want that.

I do feel that there is a rather large gap in this area of hospitality among many Christian groups. I’m not saying this to berate them, but rather to challenge us all to dig deeper into the soul and ask the Lord to deepen us as hospitable Christians who can make people feel at home, even if they are an oddball.

Serena said, “Put your big girl panties on” and I think that there is a time for advice like that, but I don’t feel that advice is a perfect fit for all of us at all times. Here’s where we run into the kind of dilemmas I (and many of my readers) have run into. When we are hurt, wounded, belittled, then told to “put our big girl panties on” may seem more like an insult than an encouragement. I would never suspect that Serena meant it that way. Not at all! But since we never know who is reading our blogs, or watching a video, then we don’t know how the message will be received.

In a situation where we are made to feel ‘less than’, belittled, rejected, snubbed, or otherwise, we most certainly can pull up our drawers and hightail it out of there. God doesn’t expect us to continue to be in groups where we are made to feel that way and told to simply get over it, while they continue to mistreat us. We have the freedom to leave unhealthy circles like that.

On the other hand, it might be an opportunity for us to look around and see if there are others in the group who might feel the same way you do. I mentioned in my previous article that sometimes it’s just a matter of reaching out and saying hello. It might also be that you are a unique individual (which I think we all are) but perhaps a group you are in doesn’t know how to respond to your kind of uniqueness. Maybe it’s all a matter of learning to be better communicators.

texting by lady_jess, on Pix-O-Sphere

{photo credit Lady Jess}

So lets just open this conversation and find out what your experiences are. How have you responded to a variety of ‘oddball’ situations and what were the results? Did you grow or help others grow with you? Comment below.. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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Serena Speaks Out

November 10, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Sometimes the blogosphere and Facebook can feel like high school. The cliques of folk who are steeped in their religious superstitions and battles over who has the ‘right’ doctrine makes me nauseous. These last few years I have wrestled with my beliefs, but my faith remains constant…I hope.

But when a raw and honest blogger like Serena opens up about how she felt like the odd ball at the Relevant Conference, my ears perked up. It takes guts to speak up like that about a conference where you’re one of the speakers.

I don’t think she is criticizing the conference necessarily, but she is opening the discussion for those who feel awkward in Christian circles.

{She’s a gal after my own heart.}

She says put your ‘big girl panties’ on.

Yes, there are those of us who don’t feel like we fit in. I think this is just a part of life. I posted a question on my Facebook wall a while ago and I simply asked if anyone else ever felt insecure. The comments filled up quickly!

After leaving organized Christianity, I was told on numerous occasions that being a Christian doesn’t mean we are “Lone Rangers”. Oh really? Are you sure about that? Because no matter how many Christian conferences or churches we go to, we battle with feeling out of place.

I was blessed at Relevant10 with my HSBA friends who included me to sit with them whenever I needed a seat. But I did notice Serena…she didn’t have the longest line at the book signing. I heard people say they didn’t even know who she was. But then again..another friend of mine said she never heard of Ann Voskamp either.

But do you know what else I noticed? Serena Woods and Ann Voskamp knew who I was. And that meant the world to me.

When someone like Serena says she felt like the odd ball, I sit here dumbfounded. I scratch my head and smack myself in the face a bit…how could SHE feel like an odd ball? Serena the book author, public speaker, and raw honest blogger? An odd ball? Naaaaa.

So what is it about a Christian community that leaves us feeling like we just don’t fit in? What is it that makes someone as special as Serena Woods feel like she is an odd ball?

I think her vlog says it all.

And maybe we need a reminder…to reach out and say hello…because saying hello might mean the world to someone.

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Pain Spills Out on the Tile

October 17, 2011 By 3 Comments

I meet this woman, whose face seems so sad. Her eyes are dark, her frown is deep, her heart must be heavy. At first glance a Christian might suspect that she needs Jesus, but do not judge so quickly…she already knows Jesus. This facade that Christianity puts forth that reciting a ritual prayer will make all the gloom depart just isn’t true. The truth is that we continue to face uncertain days, experience heart aches, and depression is common in the Christian community. But no one wants to admit it.

“Come over sometime, I’d love to get to know you.”

Have you ever seen the look of perplexity on a person’s face when you’re just trying to be friendly? People are so down upon themselves that they are clueless why anyone would want to spend time with them. Why is this happening to people in the Christian community?

I wonder if she’ll ever come by. I pray she does.

One day.. knock knock..I hear the knuckles of someone rapping against the door. My little doggies bark, excited to have a visitor.

It’s her, same sad face, but her eyes have a glimmer of hope and I think she’s hanging on my every word… “Welcome!”

Not sure how affectionate she is, I offer a quick hug and she accepts.

“I’ll start the coffee.”

This blessed drink becomes a sacred wine of remembrance in my home.

Hot java fills the cup. We must have large hand holding cups, to wrap our palms around.

Fresh cream and whipped topping, drizzled with caramel.

We make the cozy kind of coffee here, not plain old coffee like the mini-mart serves.

She smiles. She sips, this small sharing of milky latte warms her soul because it’s with full heart hospitality.

And I hesitate to ask, but I can sense her need to vent… “what’s troubling you?”

Tiny glistening tear drops puddle in her eyes…her lips quiver…she takes a deep breath.

Shaking her head, I can tell she’s not ready.

I tell a story of heart ache from my own past. The scars of my mind cry out though I am as gentle as possible, she sees my pain creeping out with each word.

Her hands begin to shake. She puts down her mug and reaches for the tissue box. She can no longer contain the tears, her pain spills out onto the tile.

Christians don’t dare speak of these things. Even the thought of telling how another Christian has hurt them is a bondage to their misery. Many years of threats to never speak negative about the “church of God” or you’ll be bringing “reproach upon the Bride”. So we feel this terrifying burden to keep silent and our hearts are dying.

Her pain is so deep and though she has barely revealed a word, I know. I can see it, I can feel it, the pain is common among us.

She breathes deep again, sighs and picks up her warm mug of comfort.

Sipping again, she contains herself.

Her son had passed on, a suicide. Tragic enough as it is, the pastor puts a yoke upon her that she cannot bear. Her son had not recited the Sinner’s Prayer. He never went to church. He was a college student at a state university and occasionally had visited some religious gatherings among friends. A Buddhist classmate, a Catholic roommate. He had friends who were on some sort of spiritual journey, but the pastor persisted….”But he wasn’t Protestant?”

Her eyes could no longer contain the flood of tears and they streamed down her cheeks…she reaches again for the tissue box. I listen intently and place my hand upon her shoulder. She looks down, shakes her head and barely whispers…”He’s in hell and it’s my fault.”

I can barely breathe. That pastor gave her no hope. She will live her whole life in pain, not only over the loss of her son’s life, but over his soul as well.

She cried out in pain, agony grips her soul.

“Is there any hope at all??” her lips quiver out these words in desperation. She’s reaching out for any ray of light, even a shimmer? Anything from Jesus?

I move to sit right next to her and wrap my arms around her. She lays her head on my shoulder, she sobs.

Death is hard enough as it is…let alone this. What kind of a Gospel leaves this mom with no hope?

She questions the validity of hell. This is when she begins an emotional purging…the anger rises and I see it on her face, her wrinkled brow.

Questioning such things in ‘that’ church brings some really harsh words from the members. People she thought were friends. The look of shame on her pastor’s face when she questions their gospel.

Her son’s death, the torment of his soul, and now she is shunned for questioning the concept of eternal torture.

How can a mother’s heart not question such a thing?

Jesus is the Savior that understands, he listens, and he is patient. He doesn’t lose his cool when we inquire about his plans. He freely shares his plans with us, his friends. He did not treat his friends with disgust when they asked him questions.

I rub her back, she wipes her tears. She asks, “is there any hope at all?”

There’s always hope in Christ.

When she came through my door that day, I didn’t know if she would be able to share what had been weighing heavy on her soul…it was when I shared my own pain that she felt welcomed to share hers.

A new friendship began.

Her parting words with me, “Whenever I have a hot latte topped with whipped cream and caramel, I’ll be remembering you.”

We smile, exchange hugs…”and Him who gives us hope.”

Please come again.

DSC_0400 by farmgirl, on Pix-O-Sphere
{photo credit Clarissa}

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An Odd Exchange

July 26, 2011 By 7 Comments

It’s like a phantom pain, deep within my heart, that aches so deeply when I see them again. Those who I once endeared as family, those friends so dear. After all the years of faithful friendship, the barriers went up when I chose to question and search out the truth away from their theological box.

When they reject me for asking, pondering, dissecting, and chewing on scripture to see if it’s truly what *I* believe or if it’s just what they tell me to believe, why does it hurt so much?

When I hold out in faith, for the hope that forgiveness will really reach down deep and grace will embrace so steadfastly to those I once doubted were ‘saved’, why does my hope in God offend them so? Why do they want to let go of such a long held friendship when I want to believe that God’s grace really does much more than we can even imagine?

Why is it that when I place my hope so deeply in my Savior to redeem the lost that these who were once so close think my hope is “of the devil”?

Do they view me as if I am the devil?

Years go by and as my children remember them and speak of them fondly, I can feel my heart healing. I can hear their names and no longer weep. I hold my head high and realize I can move forward with new friends and pave my way through this life while embracing those memories in love..and then I see them..and they ignore me again. I see them on Facebook and they befriend my other online friends, but they still won’t have anything to do with me. And the pain comes back to haunt me again.

What did I do that was so wrong?

I remember asking..what did I do? How have I hurt you? To which I got no reply. No opportunity to reconcile.

No idea what I did…except that I no longer abide in the same theological box.

I left the notion that God can’t forgive my dad. That he hates him and is torturing him forever..all because he didn’t recite a specific prayer. All because he didn’t follow a theological box. All because he didn’t “get it”. I choose to believe in my great God and in the power of his grace to save. I forsake the idea that he cries at night, writhing in pain.

The offense of the cross, that finished work. The salvation that saves us even from our ignorance, our lack of theological education, the weakness of not knowing how to believe. Believe? But what does that mean and how do I know I have believed enough to be saved?

The hope in Him who saves us from even ourselves.

The knowledge and peace he brings to show us that we don’t have to measure our belief or our trust, because he IS our hope and our trust.

An odd exchange wouldn’t you say?

To have confidence in my hope that my daddy was reconciled in exchange for my friends rejecting me for such a hope.

Had I lived my life believing he was in hell, I would still have my friends.

Yes, an odd exchange it is.

The pain of ‘hearing’ my daddy screaming in my mind every night, while he burns forever in that torturous flame..or the phantom pain of losing fellowship with friends.

Maybe they weren’t really friends..but that doesn’t change how much I love them and how much it hurts that they reject me still.

But it’s not just about my daddy. It’s about my God.

Some have said, “I’m sorry, Lisa..but God just isn’t that forgiving.”

One day… there will be glad rejoicing over there… and my tears will shed as I see their faces light up for joy that their loved ones were really reconciled too.

Then we’ll have an eternity of friendship.

Some day all heart ache will be gone

Some day he’ll come to claim us all

Sorrow will be over, every tear drop wiped away.

So when it hurts so bad you can hardly stand

Just remember..

It will all be over some day.

worship by sisterlisa, on Pix-O-Sphere

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Be At Peace, As Much As It Depends On You

May 11, 2011 By 1 Comment

I was hesitant on stating some of my beliefs about specific denominations, because undoubtedly there would be those who would leave comments of hate over my public disagreement about some things. No matter what I say I believe or don’t believe, there’s going to be opposition. Our human nature seems to drink the blood of opposition. Our nature craves it so much that so many are willing to suck the life out of us in hopes that we will all some day succumb to their way of thinking instead of thinking on our own two feet.

I had some heated comments come in over the weekend on an article where I asked for prayer for folks who are remaining in abusive types of churches. How a prayer request spawned a man’s desire to get into a belief debate is quite perplexing, but over the course of a few more comments I could see where he was going.

When a person leaves a style of church that demands their way is the only way, or even the ‘more right way’, there are bound to be some dogmas that they still hold to. I have no problem with a healthy respectful debate and deeper study of the Bible, but the attitude that goes along with some of that can get quite exhausting both mentally and emotionally. Not only do people cling to some dogmas, but the attitude in which they express those beliefs is of the same spirit from the place they left.

I have been a part of a few different ‘support groups’ over the last couple of years, where the commonality was that they all had come of the same style of churches. If you happen to share an encouraging verse from the KJV, you were asked to refrain from using that version. The reason is that they were so forced to take the KJV as if it is God himself and to use any other version would be a hell-sentence. Mentioning a fictional book might land you in the hot seat as they peck your eyes out and string you up for a lashing of 40 whips of the tongue.

And they wonder why people leave the faith entirely.

The controlling spirit in the flesh that seeks to demand that we all conform to one train of thought, supervised by one central leader who claims to have the ‘right’ interpretation of the Bible is a recipe for disaster.

Nevertheless, some of the comments made on my blog are taken seriously and although I hold some of them in moderation, I do talk it over with my husband. He is my best friend and we are equal in Christ. We share our faith with one another and we dont’ always agree 100% and that’s a good thing. It helps us to keep studying things out and we are a good balance for each other.

So we were discussing the comments made by one man and came to the conclusion that he still holds to the idea that he has figured out what is ‘wrong’ with ‘some’ things in a specific style of church, while he still holds to other things and that is certainly his freedom. His request of me was to ‘prove’ my disagreement with that circle of teachings.

I understand that it’s difficult to discern if text on my computer screen, in a comment section, are hostile or not. Sometimes we have no idea how calm a person really is on the other end, but this one seemed to rise in hostility and arrogance with each new comment.

He is passionate about what he believes and so am I.

We’re obviously not going to agree.

Then I get comments on Facebook from people who say things like,

“For a woman of God you sure don’t speak often enough of the Gospel”

“I just thought that someone who claims to be a spiritual leader would …”

I find this interesting, because I do speak of Christ… quite often in fact. I also NEVER claimed to be a spiritual leader.

Those who have expressed that they specifically view me as a leader have been critics, not devoted followers.

I don’t have ‘devoted followers’ and I don’t want any.

I do, however, enjoy having friends that can walk with one another in faith and encourage each other in Christ.

We are equals in the Body.

Some have varying degrees of patience with each other, but we are still a part of the family of God.

There are times when I share my faith, what I believe and don’t believe , as well as what I view as healthy or unhealthy in relationships and that is my freedom to speak of such things.

If we agree, then so be it. If we disagree, let’s talk it out. I’m not opposed to learning something new from a friend.

The Bible is a complex document passed down over the centuries that people from all walks of life view differently.

If it was so simple we would have so many disagreements.

We can have what we think is the ‘right doctrine’, but if we don’t have love..we’re nothing but noise pollution.

I’m not looking for people to blindly agree with me or to attempt to create another organized religion, but if you’d like to be encouraged to live free then I’d like to walk with you and enjoy this life together.

Romans 12:18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (ESV)

friendship by sisterlisa, on Pix-O-Sphere

{photo credit Sisterlisa @ Pix-O-Sphere}

Sisterlisa

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This Miserable Christian Life

April 4, 2011 By 2 Comments

In the midst of a very troublesome time in my life, and I’ve had many of those days, I walked by the television and saw a televangelist talking about how great life is. My first reaction was disgust. He’s obviously delusional, because my life certainly wasn’t like the kind of Christian life he was speaking of. Sure, he had lots of money, a huge church, and was world famous for his preaching. Of course he had a “wonderful” life. Here I was, serving the Lord, homeschooling my children, working hard with my husband in ministry, reading my bible, yes all the typical every day regular things every “good” Christian is “supposed” to do and I was in utter despair every day. I was told by many preachers “God has a wonderful plan for your life”. They failed to tell me that this “wonderful Christian” life was going to be filled with hard times. They failed to explain to me that life keeps hurling curve balls in my direction and how many times I would keep striking out. I didn’t want to strike out! I wanted to hit Grand Slam home runs everyday, yet I felt like I was striking out every ..single.. day.

I was miserable.

I went door knocking to invite people to church, I shared the Romans Road with people, I prayed with hurting people, and I served meals to the homeless.

I was still miserable.

My marriage had survived a tragic storm early on that spanned six years of grief. God was good to me and carried me through it and I was thankful (and still am) that we made it through.

I was still miserable.

I have four beautiful children, three girls then we finally got our boy. We were ecstatic to see his boy part on the ultra sound. He was a whopping ten pound line backer! He is such a joy to our lives.

I was still miserable.

With all these seemingly good things in my life, why did I feel so miserable?

There were days after days that I would look up into the clouds and beg with sobs for the Lord’s return. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t put on the fake smile and walk into church another day. I couldn’t wake up and feed my kids with a false chipper voice another day. I couldn’t be sweet to my husband another day. I felt like I was going to burst at any moment.

I was miserable.

And the worst part about it all, I didn’t know why.

Why did life look so hideous to me? Why did I see myself as such a loser?

I couldn’t measure up.

I couldn’t be Mrs. Pastor’s Wife.

I kept pressing on, because just as God got me through the first rough six years of my marriage storm, surely he could get me through this.

A very short conversation while passing by Mrs. Pastor’s Wife..a humorous thing my little boy said about something the pastor said while preaching. I thought it was one of those cute little things..you know..the silly things kids say kind of thing. The next day I saw her, walking over to me, her lips trembling, her hands shaking. In front of my daughter she says some things that didn’t make sense to me at the time. She was obviously upset, but not in an angry way. It seemed like she was afraid. Her eyes filled with tears then after she was done sharing her thoughts she quickly walked away.

My daughter was shocked, “What was that about?”

“I don’t know, lets just pray” I replied.

I took a deep breath. I went home. I prayed. I listened to the Lord. What was she talking about?

He spoke to me. “It was about that little silly thing your son said”

I grieved. That little silly thing that I thought was so cute, struck some chord in her that caused her to tremble, caused her to approach me with abrupt words. She was grieving too.

I prayed and decided to call her. It was obviously a misunderstanding, but I didn’t want to attempt to defend myself or my son, it was far more important to hear what was hurting her than it would be for me to say she was somehow wrong and that me and my son had not sinned.

I apologized, not that I had done wrong, but that my words somehow had hurt her.

She cried.
I cried.

We’re both ministry wives, married to men who serve in a leadership role in two very different types of ministries. I knew the pressure of a leader’s wife. I lived it every day.

She shared with me that there is not one church service that finishes up without someone telling her that her husband’s preaching is wrong. She said, “As if I can actually do something about it”. I reflected, quickly, on how many people had left the church during the years I had been there. People she was close to. That must be so difficult to keep losing friendships because they disagreed with her husband. I imagined how hard it might be to remain loyal, loving, and true to a man who many in the town thinks badly toward.

I had never said anything negative about him to her. But somehow the silly thing my son said came out wrong and she mistook it for just another one of those things she is often hit with after church dismisses.

We cried together.

Do other women, who do all the loyal ministry things, feel miserable too?

I don’t think being a ministry wife has anything to do with it though. That would be petty of me to assume that lay people in a church don’t experience the same things. We all experience turmoil and pressure.

We’re miserable people trying to figure out how to live this life in Christ. How to live through the pressures of life, how to deal with the rejection of others, how to handle broken relationships. Christ never promised us that this earthly life would be a blissful utopia that flows melodiously without interruptions.

So how can I live this life in Christ without feeling miserable?

Remember my identity is in Christ. Your identity is in Christ.

Trying to live up to the identity that others want us to have will leave us feeling miserable, like failures.

When we keep focusing on the failures of others and the failures of ourselves we squash the life essence of Christ right out of us. When we unleash our anger and frustration out on others we are attacking the Christ who dwells within them. We essentially proclaim that Christ isn’t doing His job in them or in us.

We’re a work in progress and he says to rest while He does the work.

Beautiful reminder by hopewilbanks, on Pix-O-Sphere

{photo credit by Hope}

James 1:4 But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Maybe we can cut others (and ourselves) some slack  and let God do what He will, in His timing, instead of trying to rush people ahead of Christ.

Filed Under: Friends, Healing

Religious Peers

February 25, 2011 By Leave a Comment

We know the term ‘peer pressure’ from high school, but now that we’re adults we face a different kind of peer pressure from other people of faith in our communities. Many Evangelicals don’t accept Mormon’s a Christians and many Fundamentalists don’t accept Catholics as Christians. A vast majority of mainstream Christianity doesn’t accept Universalists as Christians  and while I’m at it I might as well mention that some Atheists don’t accept most Christians as real Christians either. Why can’t we be friends?

After leaving fundamentalism, we began our trek through the vast denominational fields wondering why they are so divided. Discovering what each church believes has been quite a journey and even better was getting to know the people within the different denominations. We realized they all agree are far more than they care to admit. I think we can begin to really accept each other more as we each mature in Christ. I would never attempt to judge the heart of the people based on which church they attend. We’re all on a journey to discover truth and each of us has our own unique journey through this life. I believe that God is very capable of guiding each of us along the way as he sees fit.

None of us are going to be on the same page all the time. None of us have the corner market on truth. It’s a journey that takes a lifetime.  In the meantime we are told to love one another. Isn’t’ that what the Sunday School song is about? Jesus loves the little children of the world, Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, or Lutheran. It makes no difference whether we’re Mormon, Jehovah’s Witness, or Universalist. God has always been after our hearts with full passionate love and He showed that love through His Son. While some denominations might be more aggressive and possibly annoying to some degree, we are still told to love one another.

We won’t always agree on every little doctrine, but if we can understand the fullness of love and grace then we can continue to grow up in Christ. Everyone feels a bit of rejection because of their beliefs, but living in Christ was never meant to be a forceful lifestyle to make everyone conform to each other’s beliefs and interpretations. Christ did not commend us to get an accredited theological degree, he said to love one another. I’m not saying to stop studying the bible or gathering with others for bible studies, but be willing to be humble and realize you don’t have the corner market on doctrine.

Over the last sixteen years of study I have found myself agreeing with some of the things taught in a variety of churches. I know my anchor is in Christ and as he guides me in my studying the most important thing is to understand how to live in this life, loving others and walking by faith in the grace he has given me. So whether you’re a Baptist, Catholic, Lutheran, Mennonite, Universalist, or even Atheist, I’m learning to love and be patient as we all grow in this world. We are all humans, can’t we be friends?

Filed Under: Friends, Grace

Lifting Up 2010

December 31, 2010 By Leave a Comment
Yesterday I began sharing about the friends God crossed my paths with in 2010 and I have a few more to share with you today. But please go back and read the message from yesterday to see why I am doing this. Today I want to lift up some of my Facebook friends.
Steve McVey who blogs at Grace Walk Ministries. This last year has been such a terrific adventure watching him share his journey on Facebook. He has a series on YouTube and a specific series called 101 Lies Told Every Sunday. He challenges us to take a deeper look at tell tale key phrases that teach lies in the name of God. His journey has inspired me in my own walkabout with God.
Pamela Donnan from RevoAtTheWell. Her expression of being a woman at the well has provoked my thoughts to lean deeper into grace as she walks us through the footsteps and shoes of a modern ‘Samaritan’. She pours out her heart for the ‘unloveable’ and ‘rejects’ of society and shows us how much Christ loves and embraces those very people. So why aren’t more Christians loving and embracing them if Jesus is? Check out her journey.
Elizabeth Kingery at Unravel the Matter. Elizabeth has been one of those friends that has been so courageous to seek out what doctrines are questionable and is a powerful study partner. I have sought out her assistance many times to dissect through the man made religious doctrines that cause most Atheists to reject Christianity altogether. Through her studies I have grown wiser in understanding these hard questions and it has deepened by faith in Christ. The very questions that many Christians might say leads to atheism, has actually built my faith in Christ much stronger. I am thankful for Elizabeth’s boldness in researching these matters. Her blog is for those who are mature in their faith.
John Lynch of TrueFaced. John has YouTube videos as well and the first one I watched deeply moved me, Grace. Every fiber of my soul soaks up every word he breathes through his videos. He brings me comfort and healing and is so full of encouragement. I pray his gifts will bless you as well. Go check out his videos.
Bob Greaves The Unconventional Pastor. The title of his blog is precisely the description I would give Bob. He functions as a pastor in an unconventional way. He has a vast amount of knowledge of the early church and historical significance of the epistles written by the apostles. His views challenge mainstream Christianity, but he remains firm on Christ. His studies have challenged me time and time again. At first glance at his blog you might reject him totally since he questions some ‘doctrines’ held by a lot of Christian sects, but if you are mature in the faith and have Christ as your anchor, you’ll be able to read what he has to say and may come to glean from his perspective and appreciate his courage to reveal truth.

More to come soon.

*While I may or may not agree with my friends 100% theologically, I have come to appreciate their maturity in Christ and love them for who they are rather than for being in agreement on ‘doctrine’.

Filed Under: Friends

Lifting Up 2010

December 31, 2010 By 1 Comment
I have had such a great pleasure in being able to finally meet many of my friends from the blogosphere at the Relevant Conference this last October. Through them I have been able to get connected with many more once I got home. My blog is a unique one as far as content goes, because I touch on issues not a lot of others like to talk about. I take a look at various Christian sect doctrines and examine them to see if Christ is indeed in them. I crunch through the parts that seem to only bring out Styrofoam fruit coated in plastic sugar then I push it aside to see why some sects hold them with such an embrace. I’m not an authority on God and I don’t believe any of us really are. But what I cannot deny is when someone has a relational experience with our Lord and He brings them freedom from strongholds. Those many lies that so many Christians believe, that holds them far from Christ, when in reality none of us are far from Christ, He lives within us.
This last year, God has crossed my bloggy path with many who have been a balance for me as I have deeply investigated modern mainstream doctrines of those various sects of Christianity. Aside from all the doctrinal disagreements, I have found men and women who have profound stories that shoot arrows in the lies we believe and put us face to face with our Living God. I’d like to share these fellow brothers and sisters with you as we close out 2010. You may not agree with their doctrinal statements, but can we be mature in our faith and look beyond those statements and hear their stories? I believe it challenges our walks with God, to hear out what others believe.
These are those who have inspired me and helped me to balance in my 2010 walkabout with God. They are in no particular order of importance, for they are all equally important to me.
Serena Woods at GraceisForSinners.com When I found Serena’s blog (special thanks to Sarah Mae) I knew I needed to get subscribed right away, I also got her book. I was coming out of legalism and for me, Serena is a preacher to the legalists. She doesn’t pull any punches and I needed quite a few punches to the chin to wake me up out of my foggy stupor. She puts grace in such a Light that we can’t ignore it.
Hilary McFarland at Quivering Daughters.com Hilary found me on Facebook and requested to be friends with me. I was intrigued with her book Quivering Daughters and I ordered a copy right away. I sobbed deeply while I read her book and am so thankful to have read it. As a recovering legalist, I needed to hear from a daughter’s perspective, how they feel as kids growing up under that kind of pressure. It has helped to change the way I parent my children and my family dynamics has changed substantially.
Leonard Sweet @LenSweet on Twitter and I connected with him on Facebook. The first time I mentioned his name on Facebook, some ‘friends’ went crazy mad. I was told such awful things about him and I knew right away I wanted to know what the hullabaloo was about. He has been gracious and kind to me as I asked him questions about the criticism he has been receiving. He sent me a few books for me to read and I fell in love with his writing style and his message. He offers a fresh perspective on this Christian life that I had not heard before. I am honored to have connected with him and be introduced to his books. Needless to say, those ‘friends’ dumped me, but I gained such a valuable friend in Leonard Sweet.
Frank Viola at Reimagining Church. Frank is lifting up some of his friends as well and I am thankful to see he is doing this. He inspired me to make my own list as well. Frank is one of the leading voices of freedom in finding organic church. He has plowed through the pagan teachings of Christianity and reintroduced an organic way of living out this Life in Christ among one another. His books have been valuable to our own ministry as we also wanted to re-examine what ‘ministry’ really was.
Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience. Ann’s writing is poetic and she has such a fantastic gift of revealing her own perfectionism in a gracious way which reveals in me the areas I need to look at. I never feel cut when I read her words, even when her words convict me of the times I fall from grace. She uplifts those who fall into their own perfectionism ditches in such a way that it moves me to tears. She ever so gently washes me over with the oil of gladness as she showers me with words of grace that put me face to face with our Living Messiah.
I hope you’ll also introduce us to those who have helped shape your faith in 2010.

Stay tuned for more…

Filed Under: Friends
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