If you can’t be transparent, then how can you ever find support? How can you develop community with people who only want to see the smiling, perfect, facade all the time?
We are told to bear each other’s burdens, but we can’t do this unless people can feel confident in sharing their burdens with us.
We are to mourn with those who mourn, but what if they don’t trust us with what they’re mourning over? Do they know that we will receive them in their mourning?
Can we lift up the fallen and support the weak if we tell them not to fall or reject their confession of weakness?
What happens when they’re hurt by ‘leadership’? Or mutual friends and then people feel stuck in the middle? How do you console one, and not get caught up in the emotions toward the one who inflicted the pain? How do you know who to believe? What is gossip and what is truth? Confronting people doesn’t always work, especially if one is lying.
This has been the story of our lives over the last few years. The pain we have suffered is heartbreaking and I wonder if we’ll ever be able to let.it.go.
I mean, really let it go. When can we let go of this pain? Maybe when the wounds can be allowed to heal…maybe when our scabs aren’t being ripped off every so often..just before they fully heal. Maybe then…we can stop crying. If only emotional pain could heal as quick as a skinned knee.
Perhaps people can learn not to tell us what others are saying. If we never hear of it…then maybe we can get beyond it. Because every time we hear of yet another rumor about the false accusations against us…it not only rips those wounds apart again, sometimes they wound us much deeper than before.
And it hurts, because we still love. If we were cold and indifferent then it wouldn’t hurt so much. I don’t want to be indifferent. I just really want to move on.
And so I halted posting on my Facebook account. I made my Twitter account private. I set up a new email. I’m letting the answering machine do it’s job and my voice mail on my cell phone is there for a reason. Part of moving on is to stop all conduits of condemnation. I need to surround myself with positive people, support, and love. I’ve been pursuing, embracing, and dancing with grace for quite some time…if only I could see grace block those fiery darts, squash them totally and redirect their negative energy somewhere else.
Cover me, my friends… I need protection… a covering to allow me some time to heal…and for my family too.